


i'm not cute, i'm punk rock

by tinytree



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Depression, Emos being Emos, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, M/M, Music, POV Third Person, Pining Keith (Voltron), Slow Build, Slow Burn, Summer break, depictions of mental health, discovering sexualities, drug references, florona is a lesbian and Keith is gay, i do try to focus on the other pairings so klance isn't overbearing although its the "main" ship, more like mexican lance bc im just pulling this shit from my background tbh, there's some angst in there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 12:19:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7934383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinytree/pseuds/tinytree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First year at college sucked, but now Lance has his friends to enjoy the summer break with. Between the crushing realization that maybe he isn't living the life he wants to be living, anxiety, and music-- Lance meets a cute bassist from a local punk show.<br/>Everyone discovers a little something about themselves.</p><p>--<br/>warning: slow updates, minor shallura written before the age reveal!, drinking/smoking</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. pilot

**Author's Note:**

> i love ao3 so much tbh and i adore these note thingies.  
> anywho!! each chapter, (i have them all planned out), is named after a song! so this is also a klance playlist, except its in an au to fit the story.  
> sorry if the first chapter is too long or too slow but its just meant to build a bit. it gets better i promise.
> 
> pilot - amber run

It was just ten minutes.

Ten more minutes of listening to his professor go on about the corrupted government. Ten more minutes of having to hear her babble with lipstick stains on her teeth. Lance drummed his fingers impatiently against his desk. If he could suffer just a little longer, he could be free. The thoughts of summer nights watered his mouth; he could practically taste the parties and shows already.

He turned to look at Pidge who, was far too smart for their own good, egg the professor on and even adding their own opinions. Pidge was smart, and it was beyond human comprehension to why they didn't test out of this class. Lance was a little glad they didn't though, he did like the company. He just wishes they didn't have to encourage the professor even more. Why couldn't she just sit down and preach how glad she is about not having to see (the most of them) again for another three months? They all knew that's what teachers felt, deep down.

Five more minutes now.

Lance slings his backpack over his shoulder and begins the countdown. Five more minutes was practically listening to a song. He sticks his earphones into his ears and listens until the bell rings. Lance was thankful this wasn't like high school, his professor couldn't just scold him like before. He did pay for this class and he was 19, he wasn't a child-- legally that is. The amount of times he's had his phone confiscated during high school was unbelievable.

Lance's eyes glance towards the clock hanging above the chalkboard, (yes they still have those), and prepares for the dismissal. His eyes watch the hands turn. Lance was already out of his seat, almost lunging for the door. No disrespect to his professor or anything, but to him she was boring as hell and the class itself, intro to computing, was a real drag. Lance barely scraped by and luckily had enough credits to pass. It was a little funny to him, Pidge's technological heart ached just at the very fact anyone could not like computer science. But it just wasn't something Lance found interest in. He wasn't necessarily bad at computing, or extravagantly well at it either-- it was just another class he paid too much for. There are some things financial aid and scholarships couldn't cover. Software engineering wasn't something he wanted to do, unlike Pidge.

The clock hits 2:45 and he now has the rest of the day-- the summer, ahead of him. He feels a weight lift off his chest, (well just until he sees the student loan bills), and floats to the door. His feet moved so fast off the ground to that door, that even Usain Bolt would be amazed. First year of college was hard. The classes were different, the people, the expectations. Refraining from gaining the freshman fifteen wasn't nearly as difficult either. He was in charge of where he wanted to be and why, no one directed him which path to follow; it was all up to him.

The freedom was nice but the responsibility was horrifying.

Luckily for Lance, and all the other lost loners, eventually found their cliques and friend groups. He's met Pidge, Hunk, and Allura. Pidge was five foot two, packed with brains and wit, along with some sass. Hunk was a giant sweetheart who reminded Lance a lot of his older brother. In a good way. The familiarity was pleasant. Allura was a goddess and far too out of Lance's league for her to even consider a romantic relationship. Thankfully, not enough for her to still talk to him and consider him a friend.

Lance steps outside and takes out his phone to shoot a text, (or many), to the group chat where they all, (reluctantly), took part in.

**COOL TEENS AND GRANDMA ALLURA**

Lance McCOOL: guys guys i did it

Lance McCOOL: i survived college

Princess Allura: You survived your first year, you're not even a vet yet.  
  
  


Lance physically pouts but quickly smiles. She was right, but if she was able to pass her junior year without a scrape, he could too.  
  
  


Lance McCOOL: hush and be proud of me

_Hunk SMASH has left the group chat._

Lance McCOOL: shit i forgot he still has class oops

Pidgey: dumb bitch  
  
  


Lance pouts yet again, except this time, looks up to a small Pidge tapping his shoulder, "Y'know if you wanted to leave class so badly, you could have just stepped out."

He shrugs. Lance supposed he could, but that would take away the excitement of waiting, (and pain). Plus, some of his favorite memories from high school was watching the clock turn so he knew the exact moment he could leave. It may be a little depressing, but everyone knows the best part of high school is leaving.

Lance looks down at Pidge and ruffles their hair, sarcasm soaking his words, "Ah but alas, I am too polite for that." He says with a wink.

"Oh? Is that why your leg was bouncing 20 miles an hour during a lecture?" Pidge jabs.

"Hey! Talking about how much of a bigot Trump isn't a lecture, it's common sense." Lance folds his arms across his chest and starts walking towards the parking lots. He changes subjects, "Are you going to the show at Altea tomorrow?"

The Altea cafe was one of the greatest things besides meeting his new friends that Lance got to look forward to being here. Being in a different location, hundreds of miles away from home was absolutely going to have its disadvantages, but things like Altea made the move all the greater. Not only was it a beautiful victorian house no less, turned business, it had great coffee and fresh pastries. Plus every other weekend, some local bands or artists would play for free and sell merchandise. To Lance and a lot of the neighboring counties, it was the "cool" way to wine and dine-- or well in this case, drink and mosh.

Pidge shakes their head, "Can't, my brother is going to study abroad in Austria. He leaves tomorrow." A small sigh escapes their lips, but they cheer up and say with a smile, "It's amazing how much he travels."

Lance couldn't argue. Matt, Pidge's older-- and albeit much cooler brother, has traveled up to 12 different countries so far. Lance nods and searches for his car as he reaches the parking lot, "Yeah, amazing."

When they reach Lance's beat down toyota camry, he adds Hunk back into the group chat and heads to his apartment.

Pidge settles in the passenger seat and twiddles their thumbs, waiting for the okay from Lance that they could choose the CD for the car ride. This was a thing they shared. Pidge lived in his apartment building across the hall and they carpooled regularly. Pidge first (officially) met Lance when they saw him, very sad, staring at his door for a good three minutes before crying. It wasn't necessarily the greatest of ways to make a friend, but here they were now. Almost every day after class in Lance's car, taking turns playing some random CD either one of them had picked up at Starlight that week. Pidge liked music, not as much as Lance did of course, but they got a free ride out of it. And a good friend.

Lance nods to Pidge as he turns his key in the ignition. It was their turn this week and Pidge dug their hands under their seat and pulled out two random CD cases.

"Amber Run or-- oh, God, Linkin Park?" They laugh.

Lance chuckles under his breath, "It's your pick, remember?"

Pidge's shoulders shake with laughter as they take out the CD and put it into the car stereo.

Summer has just begun.


	2. arabella

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is over 2k words im dying. also i said i would update later but since its a 3 day weekend, why the hell not?
> 
> arabella - arctic monkeys

Admittedly, waking up at two o'clock in the afternoon to several message alerts instead of a morning alarm, was just as annoying to Lance. On one hand, he would be waking up groggy from the lack of sleep. His boxers would tied around his waist to the silence of the apartment building's mornings. On the other, he would wake up, still groggy but rather from _oversleeping_. At least then the sound of busy afternoons reminded him of home.

Lance rubs his eyes and feels dried drool in the corner of his mouth. He cringes every time he finds it, even though he knows each morning (or afternoon in most cases), there will always be more there to brighten his day.

Sighing, he checks his phone and views the numerous of messages from the group chat. He curses himself for not muting it when he goes to sleep, but he's too afraid he'll forget to turn it back on and miss out on some good memes.

Lance scrolls pass the previous messages, apparently some local band has a full set for later that night. Allura's uncle, Coran, owned the Altea cafe and asked questions for them.

Coran was a funny man to Lance, he hated most of the music the local kids played, but he supported them all anyway. The only catch was they had to clean the room where they performed in and pay for any damages. One time, some man too tall to crowd surf did anyway, and one of his mile-long legs kicked down a ceiling light. Coran wasn't too happy, but the smile on all their faces from the intense emotion in the room seemed to make it all okay.

And Lance could appreciate that.

He reads more into the band playing that night. Apparently the drummer went to the same high school as Matt. Pidge's info on them was slim though, all they knew was that he and their brother were friendly. Allura had taken the initiative and messaged him directly though, (Lance was amazed at how confident she was). She had found out that his name is Shiro and that he plays with his friends in their band Chin-up! Yes, the exclamation point was included in their name.

Lance decides to do a little research of his own and looks up on where every local band resides in: Bandcamp.

In less than a minute, Lance finds their band's page and begins to listen. Good drum patterns, strong vocals, amazing lead and rhythms, and a steady bassline. In no time, Lance was tapping his foot along to the beat of the kick and nodding his head.

**COOL TEENS AND GRANDMA ALLURA**

Lance McCOOL: hey have you guys gave them a listen?

Lance McCOOL: ngl, they're pretty groovy man

Princess Allura: I have! I'm listening to their EP, that's what they're going to be playing tonight.

Princess Allura: In speaking of, are we all meeting there or are we carpooling? Meeting somewhere else beforehand?

Hunk SMASH: Um it's probably best for us all to go in one car

Lance McCOOL: i'm ok w picking everyone up

Hunk SMASH: I have gas money if you want

Pidgey: No don't do it, then he'll make a job off of becoming a taxi driver.

Lance McCOOL: shut up hunk can do what he wants w his money

Lance McCOOL: you're not even going dickfuck, ignore this

Lance McCOOL: but yes, hunky boy, money is appreciated. I'll leave at 6

Lance locks his phone and sits up, looking to his right. Outside the window, the weather is bright and Lance can feel the warmth of sunlight hitting his side. He smiles, not only is it beautiful and warm, starting his summer with his friends makes him feel beautiful and warm on the inside too.

It was almost too sappy for Lance, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Back at home, his mom, no matter how old Lance was, would always make him participate on weekend morning cleanings. The second he turned eighteen, he had hoped he wouldn't have to abide by her rules anymore. He didn't realize how wrong he was until she was laughing, directing him to the kitchen to sweep on the day he turned eighteen.

He never got to sleep in until college.

So only a day in, with no sweeping, vacuuming, or dusting, his summer had already started to be the best he's ever had. Despite being mildly depressed for a good portion of his life, Lance was pretty optimistic. He has high hopes for how this break is going to play out.

Lance can picture it now, staring at himself in the bathroom mirror; tonight will be the night. He says it like a mantra. Tonight will be the night that Lance McClain will leave with a girl's phone number, or at least add one on social media to kickoff what he hoped would lead to an eventual relationship.

One could dream.

Four hours later, after Lance showered and got ready, he picked up the gang (minus Pidge) as planned. Lance picked the CD for the ride there. It felt like an Arctic Monkeys kind of night. Allura was beautiful as always, lilac hair pinned back nicely to frame her heart shaped face, and Hunk cooler than a cucumber; headband on to keep sweat from dripping onto his face and a Gorillaz tee to (un)match.

Lance looks at Allura's reflection in the rearview mirror, "Will tonight be the night you finally go in the pit?" He asks, coming off more as a coax than anything. Even though he's well aware that Allura would never do such a thing.

She shakes her head, laughing, "Goodness, no! As fun as it seems, I enjoy watching instead."

"Oh come on, you might like it!" Hunk joins, "I know I do."

Luckily when they all got there, there was room to park. There were two vans unloading equipment, Lance felt his heart skip a beat when he saw a tall Marshall amp. The show started at seven-thirty. Apparently they were getting ready to set up.

Allura was the first to get out of the car, already hurrying over by the time both of the boys had even closed their doors yet. When she makes it inside, everyone could see her stellar smile from a mile away. The second her eyes catch sight of Coran she rushes over and hugs him, as if she hadn't seen him two weeks beforehand.

A tall, (and noticeably well-built), guy carrying two tom drums inside, smiles at the sight. Lance would have laughed at the silver streak in his hair if he didn't pull it off so well, or if he looked half as good as he did.

Hunk and Lance step inside and greet Coran with warm hellos and nods.

Coran beams as he sees them, "Hello, boys! Here for the show I take?" Both nod again in response, "Please don't kick down another light. They aren't cheap."

"Of course, Coran." Hunk smiles and looks over to the pastries, "These fresh?"

At the mention of food, Lance rushes to press his forehead against the glass, "Oo, have any banana bread?"

Allura smiles, "I can help around for a bit until the show starts while you take care of the mutts."

"Bark, bark," Lance scoffs, still thinking about what baked good he wanted.

Coran lifts up the counter and allows Allura behind, "Help is always welcomed."

When it reaches around seven o'clock and a good amount of people came inside Altea to watch the show, Lance, Hunk, and Allura move into the "venue". On any other given day, it was just another room for customers to sit and enjoy their coffee. Days like these, the tables are moved to the other rooms, leaving a fairly big open space.

The guys bringing in equipment from earlier, (and a token female that Lance makes a mental note to get to know), have set up their instruments. Allura being the goddess she is, steps forward and greets them. Hunk tags along too but Lance, a little anxious towards new people (despite popular belief due to his loud, obnoxious self), stays standing by the doorway.

He looks at each of the members, cringing a little at the one with a mullet. What is this, some 80's shit show? Lance hopes that his personality could make up for it, then again, he would have a long way to go.

Across from, whom Lance would now call Mullet Man, was a tall, broad-shouldered guy. He looked around the same age as the one with the silver streak in his hair, but he wasn't nearly as handsome. Anyone would be tell the real eye candy of the group was that guy, who Lance could guess was the drummer since he sat behind a drumset.

_"So that's Shiro?"_ Lance thought to himself. _"I didn't know Pidge's brother had ties with hot people."_

Lance decides to step forward along with the others and introduce himself as well. Allura and Hunk have already made small talk with them so Lance should at _least_ learn everyone's names.

Especially the cute blonde girl with the Gibson. The pickguard on that thing was beautiful.

Hunk wraps his arm around Lance's shoulder when he steps up, "And this, hot tamale, is Lance!"

Lance smiles up at Hunk and looks at everyone else. Shiro stands and holds out a drumstick, the other end pointing towards Mullet Man, "The one on bass is Keith," he moves the stick over to the tall guy with piercings, "Rolo," and to the pretty blonde that looks like she could kick Lance's ass, "Nyma."

Lance smirks, "Well, hello beautiful."

The look sent to Lance from her could have freezed him over from how cold it was. Lance chose to ignore this however and instead bug Mullet Man. Hopefully he could redeem himself from being shot down so quickly from only a look, "Bass?"

Keith doesn't look up from tuning and nods, "Yeah."

Rolo laughs and pats Keith's head, receiving a less than happy look back from him, "This one doesn't talk much, just stares off into the distance with all his emo." Keith glares in response.

Lance points to Keith's _Come On Feel The Illinoise!_ shirt, "At least he listens to good music. Sufjan Stevens?"

Keith looks up and Lance swears he could have seen a smile, "Yeah."

Nyma rolls her eyes, "Damn hipsters."

"You're playing in a shitty punk band in an unknown city. Inside a coffee shop." Keith shoots Nyma a deadpanned look, earning a laugh from Lance and a small snicker from Hunk. Allura on the other hand was too busy talking to Shiro to notice.

"Easy, you're in this shitty band too." Rolo simpers, adjusting his mic, "Check one, check two."

After sound checking and some playful banter between bandmates, the show began. Allura stood on a bench to the side to avoid the pit, but to still get a good look of it. She didn't like going inside it but she practically fed off the energy just by watching. Hunk was laughing, smiling with the other strangers in the pit. All swinging their arms and banging their heads to the sound of the drum. Every lyric rolled off Rolo's tongue so powerful and his fingers picked so fast that Lance swore to himself he would learn that pattern one day. Nyma for once didn't look as bitter, and just happy. Shiro, face full of determination, was in pure bliss, throwing his head back a few times. (Earning a few girls to squirm). And Keith was so lost into the music that he almost closed his eyes, lost in paradise.

It was all just an amazing sight to Lance.

If Pidge were there, they would be standing with Allura, documenting the actions happening. Sometimes they got some really good videos and pictures. Lance liked looking back at them to relive the moment.

This moment where he's getting high off of adrenaline. Being punched in the face doesn't even knock the smile off his face. This moment where he's hugging sweaty strangers, and sending coy smirks to the ladies in the pit.

A good percentage of the girls all shared a glance either at Shiro, (which Lance could agree with because wow, did he look good hitting those drums), or Keith. Lance looks at Keith and how his hair curls up at the edges from all the sweat. His hand moving at a quick pace.

Quick enough for a red pick to slip away from his grip and onto the floor, but Keith was too into it to notice.

Lance moves around the sweaty circle of people hitting each other and picks it up. In all honesty, it was a little slippery. Most likely from the sweat, but Lance stuck it in his pocket anyways. He could give it back to him later.

Lance falls back into the pit and joins this family he's come to love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!! seriously the only reason i updated to early was bc i got comments lmao they make me so happy


	3. the man of metropolis steals our hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i'm leaning for towards a mexican lance instead of cuban cause, soy mexicana y no se mucho acerce de cuba.  
> there's some shallura in this along with shunk? is that shay and hunk's ship name? but yeah them  
> also a lot of dialogue
> 
> also for those who don't know, (which is good you don't, the only reason i know is because i know ppl) a dime is a term for a certain amount for weed.
> 
> the man of metropolis steals our hearts - sufjan stevens

Lance was never able to tell about which part of going to shows or concerts he liked the most. There was just so much stuff to do, so much love. Everyone was high off adrenaline and excitement, the intensity could be cut with a knife for how thick it was.

To Lance's right, he sees Hunk, smiling. There was a little blood in the corner of his mouth but he was either too happy to care, or too into the pit to notice. Lance smiles at this. One time he was punched in the face and got a black eye, but his adrenaline was too high for him to notice either. It wasn't until the day after, looking into his dingy bathroom mirror, where he saw the swelling and galaxy below his eyebrow. At that point, he was too happy to care. It wasn't a battle scar or wound, but a medal of honor.

Lance nods his head to the sound of the drums and looks to the band. A small group of people circled Rolo and began yelling the chorus with him, even Nyma. Lance jumps and holds the mic over Rolo's hand, along with some sweaty strangers, and screams the lyrics with the rest of them.

It all felt so surreal. Sweat beaded off Lance's face and he felt as if he was in the eye of a storm. For once in his life he was calm, in a circle of chaos.

Antidepressants, drugs, alcohol, could never do this. No dime could get him this high, no drink as intoxicated, or prescribed medication this numb. Everyone knew this about Lance. He would be stressed out for weeks right until Allura mentioned a show playing at Altea, the gang dragging his depressed ass out of bed. Of course, he was never reluctant to going, just some days earth's gravity felt too heavy for him to move. It wasn't too long until he was in a crowded room filled with strangers, unknown music flowing, for him to become weightless.

After the show, the majority of the crowd fled. Some stayed behind, either to order tea to soothe their aching throats, or to fawn over the band members. A small group of girls, (and some token males), circled around Shiro, Keith, and Rolo, all asking questions about when they started playing, and about their instruments and things of the like. Some were talking to Nyma on the side too, and if Lance was mistaken, some girls were hitting on her as well.

Allura steps down from the bench and walks towards Shiro, the groupies parting at the sight of her; as if she was a Goddess splitting the ocean. Which, in Lance's opinion, (and of most people), wasn't too far off. Hunk and Lance follow behind her.

She smiles, putting a hand on Shiro's shoulder, "That was really good! I take you can multitask well," Allura laughs and looks at the set, "I don't think I could ever play drums, seems too difficult. It's amazing."

A murmur of people nod their heads and agree, however not daring to add their own input.

"Yeah, I've been playing since middle school, it's not that difficult once you get the hang of it. It just takes practice," Shiro sends a warm smile towards her and Lance could have sworn everyone's heart skipped a beat. "I can show you one of these days if you'd like." He cleans the sweat off his forehead with the shirt he took off earlier.

Allura nods, "Really? Thanks!" She looks to the other members, "Are you guys doing anything after this?"

Rolo steps in and wraps an arm around Shiro, "Nope, just gonna head home after this. Unless Shiro, here, has any other ideas."

Sensing Allura's want of getting to know Shiro, and his want for ice cream too after that much energy spent in a hot room, Hunk speaks up and adds, "Anyone want ice cream? There's a Cold Stone nearby and they don't close until later."

At this point, the small ensemble of girls there to hit on the members, leave. Nyma showed no interest in them or in the male counterparts, Keith gave them the cold shoulder, Rolo kept looking at Nyma, and no one had any competition against Allura who seemed to be the only one holding Shiro's interest.

Rolo nods in agreement, "I could go for some ice cream. Nyma?"

She shrugs, "I'm cool with it."

"I already know what Shiro is gonna say and that's three against one, sorry Keith, but we're getting ice cream."

Keith looks up from putting his bass back in its case, "I never opposed."

"Perfect, then. We're all getting ice cream."

Thirty minutes later after cleaning up and packing away equipment, they all start heading to Cold Stone. Lance walks behind Nyma and tries to chat her up. It was a little difficult to though, the sidewalk was too narrow and she was walking besides Rolo. He seemed to hold all of her attention. Lance couldn't exactly hold a compelling conversation with the back of her head, either.

At the ice cream shop, Allura drops her bag at the same table where Shiro drops his jacket. Lance has never seen her seem so smitten by someone she just met-- or anyone for that matter. Then again, just by looking at Shiro, Lance could tell why. The man was gorgeous. Plus, if he was acquainted with Matt, probably smart too. And a sweetheart.

Lance stands in line behind Hunk and looks at all the flavors. The bubblegum here tasted different from the chicle back in Arizona, but there wasn't much to complain about. There was still an authentic panadería, so he still had a little slice of home.

"Oh my God, is that you-- Shay?" Hunk smiles as he sees the employee working the cashier turn, whom Lance could now guess was Shay.

"Hunk?" Shay says, bright smiles and all, hoop earrings swaying with how fast she turned.

"Small world, isn't it? Thought I wouldn't see you again. Hey guys," Hunk wraps his arm around Lance, who minds Hunk's sweat, and calls out to everyone, "This is Shay! My old neighbor from back in Hawaii. Amazing!" He laughs, "As much as I would like to hug you, I'm kind of sweaty and gross. Unless that's okay with you."

Shay lifts the counter and squeezes Hunk, "Of course I wouldn't mind, silly! Wow, of all places, after seven years, I would never had guessed I would see you again. I just got a job here. Where are you going to school?"

"Garrison University. I haven't seen you--"

"--Oh! I go to Balmera. Funny."

As the two catch up, everyone orders and eats their ice cream. Hunk stays by the counter, talking to Shay, Allura and Shiro go on about conspiracy theories at their own little table, _"How romantic,"_ Lance thinks to himself at the sight, and Rolo and Nyma sit at a table small enough for only them two.

That left Keith alone, picking at, what Lance could guess, banana ice cream. Lance sits with the Mullet Man with good music taste.

"Guess that leaves us two," Lance says as he adjusts in his seat. "What is that, banana?"

Keith nods and looks up, "Mhm.."

"Oh, I'm allergic to bananas."

Keith's head shoots up and his eyes widen, "Wait-- really?"

"No, but could you imagine?" Lance laughs and takes a spoonful of ice cream, "That would be awful."

Keith smiles and his shoulders shake a little with laughter. He didn't seem to talk much, but hopefully Lance's banana comment eased the tension a bit.

"So besides Sufjan Stevens, what other underrated artist do you like? I bet'cha that I have listened to nearly every single artist you could come up at least once." Lance dares.

That seemed to strike Keith's attention.

"No way." Keith crosses his arms and leans back in his chair with a bold grin.

"Sí way."

"Impossible. Soundcloud or Bandcamp?"

Lance leans forward, accepting this unspoken challenge, "Both. Go on, name an artist. Any genre"

"The Maine."

Lance scoffs, earning a raised brow from Keith, "Oh come on, start with something harder than that. American Candy is iconic."

Keith unfolds his arms, "Am I Pretty is better." He pauses for a moment, "Okay how about Gnash? Any song other than i hate u i love u."

Lance laughs, "Oh, come on! I met him before i hate i love u was even a concept. And for the song thing, closure. Come on, Mullet Man! Really give it to me."

Absolutely loving this game, Keith rests his elbows on the table and leans in closer, fully interested. "Okay okay, The Toy Gun Conspiracy, Metric, Amber Run."

Full blown smirk on Lance's face he answers, "The Stand, Collect Call, and I was literally listening to Amber Run yesterday. Pilot."

Impressed, Keith genuinely smiles. "Y'know, you're not that bad. Even though you called me Mullet, which, please don't do that again. What was your name again?"

"The name's Lance." Lance takes out his phone and opens up his contacts. "Here, _Keith,_ not Mullet, add your number in. Ever heard of Bowers?"

Keith shakes his head as he inputs his number.

"Oh man, don't I have a lot to show you."

Keith smiles. This might be the start of a beautiful friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so since there was a lot of dialogue do you prefer more dialogue and less setting building or whatever the fuck  
> let me know  
> also comments!! are!! greatly!! appreciated!!!!! seriously, i crave them so much pls. kudos are also welcomed


	4. am i pretty?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry i didn't update sooner, my laptop charger broke and the new one i ordered just came in today. anywho, here's an update.  
> please comment!! i love comments and interactions i absolutely adore it. constructive or not, i welcome them all.
> 
> am i pretty? - the maine

"Do not argue with me on this, I swear I will _fight_ you--"

"Nope! Nope! Taking Back Sunday? Ten times better than Brand New."

Lance scoffs. Keith was absolutely ridiculous. He's doesn't care much for The Brobecks, which by itself could make Lance want to deck him, but it didn't stop there. Lance could respect Keith never went through a Good Charlotte phase, but Simple Plan? That was where the emo revolution of this generation started. Now he disses Brand New? No way.

"Mullet, have you actually listened to Brand New?"

"Yes, I have. Your Favorite Weapon is easily their best album, Daisy was shit, The Devil and God only have like two good songs, and Deja is," Keith pauses, "Meh."

"I will hang up on you right now, so help me."

"You were the one who called me!"

Now it was Lance's turn to pause. Why did he call Keith again? The thought completely passed him when he heard Keith's music in the background. The conversation seemed to start from there.

"Right, right. I-- uh," He scratches the back of his head and furrows his brows in thought. "Oh yeah! I have your pick. You dropped it at the show."

Keith smiles, "I have like a box more left, you could keep it. And why didn't you give it to me at Cold Stone?"

"Forgot." Lance answers, truthfully.

"Well, it's yours now. I kinda like playing with just my fingers though."

"Slap the bass!" Lance laughs.

This was how the most of their conversations played out. Lance liked talking to him, the only problem with Keith though, besides his mullet and music intolerances, was texting him. Texting Keith was like waiting for Halley's Comet. If you were to text him a simple question at any given moment, he would respond seven hours later. Lance needed a response at least under five minutes, any more than that he expects an, "Oh, I might lag. I'm cleaning," or, "I'm busy," at the very least to keep him from staring at his phone for a response. Lance wasn't really one for phone calls, but calling seemed like the best way to talk to Keith if he ever wanted a legitimate conversation.

After they said their goodbyes, Lance went on with the rest of his afternoon.

A week passes and Pidge can tell within the only first two days of talking to Lance after meeting Keith, he had a new "thing". Things Lance would switch conversations to talk about. Lance had things he seemed to indulge in, they were his _things._ Sometimes they changed every week, sometimes they lasted long enough until something else caught his interest, or until they just faded out. Either or, Pidge noticed sooner than the rest of the group.

Whenever Lance met someone new, read something, listened to something, or anything of the like, that would be the only thing he would talk about. Pidge knew this. Of course the rest of the group noticed whenever Lance had a new "thing", except as of lately. They all had their own "things" as well.

Allura was so wonderfully smitten with Shiro, it was completely obvious. As much as she tried not to mention him out of fear of being annoying, she couldn't help it. A random conversation about puppies would suddenly turn into Shiro's smile and the way he looked at Allura when she spoke. He turned into a "thing" for her quicker than anyone could imagine. Allura has never been this interested in anything before, besides some eerie conspiracy about aliens her and Pidge had found.

Allura wasn't the only one hit by cupid's bow either. Hunk, being reunited with his childhood crush, resurfaced old feelings. Apparently, her smile never changed or much else about her. The only thing that did was the size of her heart. Her and Hunk talked about their dreams and aspirations. It wasn't long until she became one of them for him.

Pidge's things were usually things that they found interesting, articles, some new tech that came out, a new tinker they did on some equipment, or a new friend. Being a near kid genius, Pidge seemed to intimidate others a bit, they never had someone be a "thing" for them. Being the only one in the group without one felt a little lonely.

**COOL TEENS AND GRANDMA ALLURA**

Pidgey: can we all hang out or something? a lot seemed to happen last week i wanna catch up and be in the loop.

Princess Allura: I'm free right now

Hunk SMASH: Me too

Lance McCOOL: me 3

Lance McCOOL: altea?

Lance hurries over to Altea's to meet up with everyone. He had been so wrapped up with his new friend, that he hasn't paid much attention to his current friends. Before Pidge's message in the group chat, it had been almost silent. Lance feels his heart twinge in pain a bit at the thought of Pidge feeling left out. Lance knows all too well how that feels. And to be frank, it doesn't feel pleasant at all.

On the way there, Lance picks up said Pidge, and carpools. Pidge was too afraid to drive so they never invested in a car; let alone invest time in learning how to drive. Lance couldn't judge, his older brother was the same as well. Plus, Lance remembers anxiety, an old friend of his, accompany every car ride until he grew comfortable. Pidge already suffered from anxiety, they didn't see the need for venturing for more in driving. Lance could respect their decisions, although he finds hypocrisy in the comments Pidge makes on how he shouldn't be a taxi driver-- He practically already was. For them.

Just like every other car ride they shared, no matter how long or short, Pidge stuck their hand under the car seat and pulled out two CDs. "The Maine or Panic! At the Disco. Wow, still a scene kid."

"Fuck you, I should start making you walk." Lance huffs, and pauses to think. It was his pick anyways. At least The Maine were an option today. Ever since Keith brought them up when they met, he's been meaning to give them another listen. "The Maine."

"Yeah, Pretty Odd isn't that good of an album anyways."

"Get out of my car. Now."

At Altea, the gang meets up at their normal meeting spot. A wooden table pushed to the far corner of the left room, the same room where the show was before. Lance waves at Coran and orders decaf. If he had any more caffeine he would crash. He had his cup when he woke up and he's pretty susceptible to that dangerous drug he's slowly hooked himself onto.

As he waits for his order, he makes small talk with the people in line. They were all regulars or local kids who went to the shows Altea held. Pidge already found their way to the table and sat next to Allura.

Lance smiles and nods his head to a tall brunette with long eyelashes and brown eyes. She cracks jokes with him about last week's show as her arm drapes over a tinier girl. The tinier one blushes at this, earning a kiss on the cheek from the taller one. "I love my tiny girlfriend, she's too small for the pit." She says.

"Shut it! I am not that little!" The smaller one shoots back, trying to appear intimidating but her pink sneakers and chubby cheeks canceled it out for her.

"Ana, you are 4'11, my ten year old sister is taller than you."

"Yeah, _Ana,_ " Lance adds, now knowing her name, "That's pretty small. But don't worry about the pit, you can have just as much fun from watching. I have friends who don't go in."

"See!" She stomps her tiny foot as she looks up at her girlfriend, "I told you! You just never listen to me."

Lance smiles at the interaction and raises his brows at a tall guy behind them. With Ana in front of him, he could have appeared seven feet tall. Even though he was 6'5" at most. He sends him a warm smile in return. Lance turns forward to the counter and notices Coran just placed his drink.

Lance feels a faint blush on his cheeks, _"Damn tall boys and their automatic charm."_ He thinks to himself. Then again, he barely met the tall boy qualification. Lance was 6' even.

He pays Coran and gives him the change as a tip, even though it probably was more than what his drink was worth. He didn't care though, Coran dealt with so much. It was the least he could do.

Lance sits down across from Allura, next to Hunk with his drink in hand. Hunk smacks his back as he sits down, "Wow, Lance. Didn't know you had a thing for white boys."

"Actually," Allura raises her finger and and adds, "It might just be tall boys. He looked at Shiro a lot last week, too"

"Hey!" Lance could feel his cheeks burning, "Have you _seen_ Shiro? Anywho, don't worry, Allura, I'm not interested in your man candy. Plus I'm straight."

Pidge snorts, "Yeah and I love poppin' the puss. Come on, we all know about the little fling you had with your best friend in high school, you didn't spare much details."

"Please don't ever say that ever again." He cringes at the sound of Pidge's ace mouth uttering such words. As for the fling in high school, that was all true. Except Lance didn't particularly _like_ him. He just liked that he liked him, or so he thought. He was a good kisser too, to say the least. "And I was drunk when I told you guys, everyone gets a little gay when they're drunk."

Everyone nods in agreement.

Pidge rests their elbows on the table, "You know bisexuality is a thing too right? Not everything is black and white, straight or gay."

Lance nods, "Yeah, I know. I just haven't, y'know, _felt_ that yet. How did you know you were ace?"

"I dunno, actually." Pidge shrugs. "Maybe you're just extremely comfortable with your sexuality. Maybe you're bi, or pan, or demi-- actually no, you can be a bit of a slut at times. Anyways, you get my point."

Hunk laughs, "What even is sexuality?"

"A concept." Allura answers, earning a more than modest nod from Pidge, who mouths _thank you_ as they do.

"Yeah, no kidding. But, I can say rather confidently, that I, Lance, am a heterosexual."

"Ew, breeder." Pidge scowls.

"Hey, so is Hunk!"

"Yeah, but Hunk is a sweetheart so it makes up for it. You're Lance so that's like a double whammy."

"Stop!" Lance whines. He remembers why he could only hang out with Pidge for so long. Just kidding, he loves them and all the banter that came along with them. He thinks about what they said though, what everyone said.

Lance is familiar with uncertainty, especially that regarding his sexual orientation but he didn't feel a need for labels. Everything was temporary anyways. Boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, they all faded out eventually. Then again, maybe that was the depression talking but, it wasn't something he could help. He still believed everything he thought. As for now, he is a straight guy who appreciates any attention he could get. Girls could kiss girls and still be seen as straight, why couldn't he? Why was there a need for a label?

He pushes all the thoughts aside. He was here now, with his closest friends, all bonding over quality tea and coffee, talking about whatever they could fit into the conversation. Lance could deal with uncertainty later. For now, he was happy and certain, that he loves his friends, and that's all that mattered then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments, kudos, the whole thang. follow my [tumblr](http://tiniestoftrees.tumblr.com)


	5. behind the sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow its been a super long time since i updated. quick info on why that is: i relapsed pretty bad and lost motivation. i was hospitalized for a while but im back and stronger bbies.
> 
> behind the sea - panic! at the disco

It isn't all that common for Lance to stare down at himself, shirtless, in the mirror. Despite popular belief, or at the very least contrary to Lance's loud personality. He isn't one to gaze at his reflection. Sure, his avid cockiness at times may not exactly back up the previous statement, but it was true nonetheless.

Lance shifted his gaze from his blue eyes, down to the faint happy trail on his belly. Again, despite popular belief (except this was intentional-- Lance never wanted people to know he was insecure), Lance hated the way he looked. Hate was a strong word that Lance hardly used but the gut wrenching feeling he would get when he looked at himself, proved it valid.

He never realized how insecure he was until he started swimming in high school. All the other boys were much more muscular than he was. Lance was lanky, yet broad-shouldered, making him appear like a cartoon skyscraper, and with a small layer of fat he never seemed to lose as a child. His family grew up calling him "Gordo", and still continue to till this day although Lance had lost much of the baby fat.

Lance had a bad habit of comparing himself to others. Even worse, not only did he compare himself to strangers, he compared himself to people he knew. Hunk was thick and manly, yet soft on the inside. Pidge was a literal genius, along with their brother. Allura was able to balance working two jobs, stay on top of her classes, track, and maintain a great social life. Lance was just _there._

Lately, Lance had been thinking about Keith. Which surprised him because he was the epitome of emo. However, it was _cool_. Cool emo wasn't even a thing, then Keith came along and seemed to make it cool. At first, it was Shiro who caught Lance's attention. He was incredibly handsome, talented, and according to Allura, sweet too. After talking to Keith for the past weeks though, his attention shifted.

Keith knew how to get under Lance's skin. In all the right ways; if not, they wouldn't have continued talking but, people he still kept contact with, never really had an active schedule of playful banter and bullying. There was only Pidge before. Now there's Keith. Some half-korean, half-texan punk kid who somehow caught Lance's attention. It was like some sort of strange attraction. They weren't exactly opposites, but they were fairly different.

Sure, they were both socially awkward, yet Keith tended to stay quiet in social situations whereas once Lance started talking, he didn't stop. (He blamed the anxiety.) Keith didn't seem to mind though. He even listened rather thoroughly to Lance's late night rambling. It was nice. It felt nice to be listened to.

Lance wished he was a bit more like Keith. He wished he had a sliver of his recklessness, or some of those impulsive tendencies. Maybe then, Lance would have asked out one of his past crushes, or posted a song online. Maybe he would be more open to venturing outside of his comfort zone. But Lance was comfortable, and for now he was okay with talking to Keith and wishing he was a bit more different.

It's funny. Originally, Lance woke up that morning to a loud growl in his stomach. That's what lead him to look at his reflection. The past few days Lance wasn't exactly eating the greatest, or at all in some cases. Not because he wanted to, he just didn't feel all that hungry.

Then again, maybe he just got used to not eating properly. His fridge had been empty since his landlord raised the rent.

That morning, Lance had looked into the mirror to see if the lack of eating had made an visual effect on him, (it didn't). It did however, spiral Lance to an internal monologue that oddly enough, led him to the conclusion that he needed a fucking job.

**COOL TEENS AND GRANDMA ALLURA**

Lance McCOOL: lmao i just realized how fucking broke i am

Lance McCOOL: i haven't had a legitamite meal in over a month

Pidgey: *legitimate

Lance McCOOL: fuck off i just woke up

Hunk SMASH: It's two in the afternoon.

Lance McCOOL: whatever. im not an english major. I cant spell

Princess Allura: Clearly...

Pidgey: lol

Lance McCOOL: im glad to know my only friends dont care about my health, they care about how i spell things

Pidgey: sounds about right. have you, i don't know, considered getting a job??   
  
  


Lance looked at the screen. He knew he needed a job but having one was like being married to someone you hate. Lance still wanted to be a bachelor.   
  
  


Lance McCOOL: i got anxiety

Princess Allura: Bitch me too, the fuck

Hunk SMASH: I think Allura is trying to say, she understands but you got to cope with that and help yourself.

Pidgey: ^^ lmao sorry i was dying for a moment. but yeah, your mom can't keep sending you money forever

Lance McCOOL: i know i know...

allura, can you ask coran if he needs extra helpers?

Princess Allura: I could, but I doubt it.

Lance McCOOL: thanks. Ill start job searching then  
  
  


A loud sigh escapes Lance's mouth. They were all right. A part of Lance wants for him to get shit together but it was easier said than done. Freshman year of college was rough, and he still had years to come. That was just a part of life and becoming an adult.

Not only did Lance need a summer job to buy food and pay for rent, he did really _really_ want to start recording music. Keith had his own bandcamp for his solo work, which was all great bass instrumentals. There were so many local artists that had great music. Lance just felt greatly inspired and wanted a part in that community.

Except decent recording equipment was pricey, and there wasn't a time soon he was going to ask for Keith's help. It's still too soon for that. He would much rather spend the money to buy said equipment.

Lance has been into music for as long as he could remember. Some of his earliest memories was him and his mom dancing to bachata on early Sunday mornings, listening to reggaeton in his brother's car, hearing his sister's Avril Lavigne and Gwen Stefani CDs from the shower. Music has always been a part of his life. Growing up with all his siblings and their varying music tastes exposed him to all sorts of music. Listening to anything with a rhythm reminds him of home.

When he was little, Lance had this, what seemed like a pipe dream at the time, wish to perform for a live audience and have it broadcasted on tv. Then his grandparents and cousins back in Cuba could see him shine.

However as much as music was appreciated in his family, it wasn't seen as a sustainable career to venture in. Even though his eldest sister loved to sing and dance, she ended up with a full ride to Yale to study engineering. His eldest brother could play guitar like no other, yet graduated high school early and began studying economics at a young age. Both without any arts in their extracurriculars. The pattern followed. Although his family loved music, they discouraged it from becoming anything more than a pastime activity. Luckily Lance was just taking his required classes, he didn't have to pick a major _just yet_ , even though it was expected at this point.

Needing to fully wake himself from the slumber, he showers, and decides on Subway for his first meal of the day.

The best part about sleeping in, is missing the lunch hour rush. No need to wait in line or at all really. By this point in the afternoon, people are back to their jobs and whatnot. Lance walked into that Subway with a shocking nine dollars in his wallet. The boy needs a foot long.

No employees seemed to be manning the sandwich bar and Lance impatiently stares at the pieces of ham. He clears his throat with hopes of someone hearing that there is a hungry customer.

Almost instantly, an employee walks out from the back, black hair tied neatly, with a forced smile, "Welcome to Subway, what would you like to order?"

Lance would recognize that mullet anywhere if it wasn't strapped back. "Mullet-- I mean, Keith! My man, mi compadre."

Keith's smile turns genuine, "Oh hey, Lance. Haven't seen you in a while."

He stretches, "Yeah, y'know I've been hanging out and stuff."

"And stuff." Keith continued.

"Yeah," Lance leaned against the glass, "And stuff. Also I'm broke, can nine dollars get me a full meal?"

"I'm sure you can if stretch it. Well, it kinda depends on what you define as 'full'."

"Full enough."

Keith then makes Lances ham and cheese sandwich with everything on it and sits with him as he eats. He hasn't seen Lance since they first met but they did connect regularly through texting and phone calls. Which was mostly phone calls. Keith wasn't one for tech or social media even. He did however own a phone, an iPhone 4 at that which according to Nyma, is considered a _relic_ at this point. Keith didn't really like texting, but he sure did prefer it over calling. Apparently, he wasn't a good enough texter to keep Lance occupied long enough so it wasn't long until they switched to calling. To Lance, it almost seemed like such an old person thing to do, but neither of them seemed to mind. Even though Lance talked a lot, Keith just enjoyed his company. He sure did keep him on his toes, so that was refreshing. The conversations were always entertaining.

"Wow, Keith, you really know how to make a sandwich." Lance says, with his mouth half full.

"I'd hope so, since I've been working here a little over a month now. Plus we're understaffed so I work extra."

Lance swallows, "Shame..." Then his eyes light up, as the wheels in his head start to turn, "Hey! I'm looking for a job, you're understaffed right?"

"Yeah, I just said that." Keith smiles, "I can ask the manager for an application, I'll be right back." Keith stands and pushes his chair back in.

 _Mannered,_ Lance thinks to himself. This will be super cool, working with Keith. The two get along pretty well and he could update Keith on sweet tunes as they work. It's odd. They haven't known each other all that long, and Lance already feels an attachment starting to grow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yknow what to do. kudos/comments appreciated


	6. TRL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trl - the neighbourhood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i might upload again later. lengthy chap cause its my apology for delaying.

These past few weeks have been great. Working with Keith just made the time go by. Lance would clock in at 10AM and be surprised that almost every time he looked at the clock, a good amount of hours had passed. The two seemed to work well together. Lance was better with customers than Keith was, but Keith knew how to make a good sandwich. (Lance still struggled with overfilling the bread with too much meat.)   
  
The only problem was them arguing over which music to play for the ambiance. Again, they worked incredibly well together. Maybe it was just their dynamic. Keith was red, Lance was blue. He was straightforward and efficient with his work while Lance made sure to chat up the customers. In the end, Lance racked up the most tips. Yet picking music is what made them clash heads the most. Lance wanted nostalgic early 2000's, whereas Keith wanted old rock. Which isn't necessarily a problem, except most of their customers were young adults and teens. People who weren't alive in the 80's.

Not even Keith. He was just that type of guy.

Lance's argument was that everyone loved the Killers and not everyone knew Depeche Mode. However, Keith didn't exactly seem to care. If anything, it was probably more for him. When no one was in the joint, Lance let him man the radio. Lance figured to himself that he was just that nice.

Not only was working with Keith great, he even got paid for it. It felt like he was hardly working. He was basically being paid to hang out with a friend. Sure, work was still work but for the most part, the customers weren't all that bad most of the time. When they were bad it was annoying, but Lance dealt with annoying younger siblings who bossed him around mercilessly his entire life. He could handle a snooty old white man. No one was worse than his youngest brother who would through the loudest fit if Lance put too much mayonnaise on his sandwich. No old white man could screech as loud.

Today's crowd was mostly preteens. The Subway where they both worked was downtown where all the shops were at. Which is great for two reasons. One, when Lance's shift was over, he could walk to Starlight Records and look at the new inventory. Two, there a lot of other competition so people wouldn't hoard to Subway when there's other options to choose from. Albeit, much better options but Lance would keep that opinion to himself.

The workspace was mostly quiet. The customers picked at their food, low chatter filled the restaurant. (Could you even call Subway a restaurant?)

It would have been an easy keep-a-generic-twenty-one-pilots-radio-station-on kind of day, if it weren't for the throwdown that was about to happen. The heavens were calling, the sky was falling. Hell's creatures have broken loose, and daedra have transcended from Oblivion.

"What song is this? I don't know any of the stuff they're playing here." A preteen with bleached blonde hair sticks her nose in the air. One of their friends turned and nodded.

People always say to not judge a book by its cover. Which is a valid rule that still stands, however when it comes to music, it's safe to say you can guess what's in their iTunes library based on if they shop at Hot Topic or Justice.

Now, this would be a fun challenge. The bleached blonde wore a floral shirt with lots of lace, the friend beside them wore a jet black hoodie with a buttoned up flannel underneath, and across both of them stood the hardest to pinpoint; a girl with a plain tank top and basic blue jeans.

Keith and Lance looked at each other with a smirk. An unspoken competition has begun: find a song that everyone likes.

Lance quickly swipes through his spotify library. He turns his phone towards Keith and signals for Hayley Kiyoko. She was a new pop artist on the rise and Lance appreciates her for being a female empowering the LGBTQ community with her music. Not only that, her stuff was catchy and most preteens were on Tumblr. Tumblr loved Hayley Kiyoko. Therefore, they must love Hayley Kiyoko. 'Course, he wouldn't necessarily tell Keith that. He didn't have to know he was on ridiculed blogging website. Plus, Lance didn't know enough about him to know if he was "okay with the gay". Lance sure did hope so. He didn't want to have a problematic fave. (Is Keith even his fave?)

Anywho, Keith said no to Hayley due to her music giving off more of a Forever 21 vibe rather than a Subway. Lance saw the truth in that and searched through his library again. He was a bit surprised that Keith smiled when he saw Lance bring her up on the screen.

Keith turned his old iPod Nano towards Lance and showed a Kehlani album. Lance, surprised, raises a brow. He didn't peg Keith to listen to Kehlani. To be fair, most people wouldn't peg Lance to be the same person to recite every Lin-Manuel musical forward and back, and know every Avenged Sevenfold album. Moral of the story is, don't assume someone's knowledge on music based off their appearance. Which is ironic, saying that that's exactly what they're doing right now. Better to be safe than sorry though.  
  
Lance approves of Kehlani and hands Keith the aux cord. There was a radio for the employees to use but, Lance and Keith didn't exactly like the radio. Not that there was never anything good on, just the customization they could do with an aux cord and a Spotify playlist was much better.   
  
Keith puts on Kehlani and it doesn't take long for the preteens to start dancing in their seats to the rhythm of the song. It doesn't take Lance long either. When he hears Kehlani, he can't help but move his hips.  
  
"This is my song, Keith! It just brings out my inner slut." Lance puts his hands on his knees and drops it low. Keith's brow raises so high, it's a miracle it didn't get lost in his bangs.

"Put her away please." Keith crosses his arms and smiles, obviously trying to not laugh. "Keep it PG and save the dancing for your own time."  
  
Lance pouts and dances closer to Keith, "Oh come on, tell me you aren't fighting a tiny urge to start dancing whenever you hear Kehlani." Lance drops it low again. As he comes up, Keith puts his hands on his hips to steer him clear of Keith Jr.

Lance fights a blush at the feeling of Keith touching his hips. (This is normal right?)

"Not exactly," Keith steps away a little, a small chuckle evident, "If you wanna dance so badly, we can play whatever you want later when we close."  
  
Lance didn't have enough energy to argue after suppressing whatever weird feeling in his stomach was. So he simply nodded, and agreed to the dance party for two later.

 

The dance party for two turned into a dance party for one. Lance felt silly jamming out to Childish Gambino's new album alone with Keith just watching. Two songs played before Lance told Keith to cut the song, pulling his jacket on as he did so. He jingled the keys in his pocket before asking, "Hey, you got a ride home?"  
  
Keith ducks down and pulls out a helmet from under the counter, (how the hell did Lance miss that?) "I'm set, thanks."

Of course, Lance can picture Keith on a motorcycle, it completely fit his style. Intrigued by this new knowledge, he walks Keith to his bike. The bike had a strong red accent and was kept in well condition. It suited him. Lance could picture it now, Keith riding off into the sunset with whoever he decided to pick up at a show hugging his waist. Lance's car on the other hand, was given to him by his dad. He couldn't complain, the only money that went into the car was for small repairs here and there. It was a faded beige, a color that reminded Lance of baby vomit. But maybe baby vomit suited him.   
  
"This is your bike...?" Lance looks over the bike, almost scared to touch it. It seemed too nice for his dirty hands to touch.   
  
Keith nods, "Well, I didn't borrow it." Smartass.   
  
Lance deadpans, sarcasm soaking his words, "Very fun, you got quite the sense of humor."  
  
"Thanks, I try," Keith shrugs then swings a leg over the bike, "Hey, there's another show this weekend. You busy?"  
  
Lance shakes his head, "Altea?" Keith nods, "I'll make sure to tell everyone else."  
  
Keith smiles, a small dimple accompanying said smile in the left corner of his mouth. Lance feels his palms sweat and heart race, (should he see the doctor?). "See you there then?"   
  
Lance shoves his hands in his pockets, "Yeah. See you there."  
  
Keith waves him off and puts on his helmet. As he rides away, Lance feels a bit awestruck. It felt disgusting to admit, but Keith was pretty fucking cool. Too cool to talk to Lance, too cool for this town almost. He seemed so sure of himself, and there's no way he was much older than Lance.   
  
Lance kicks a rock he befriends on his walk to his baby vomit car. The rock sat on the ground, staring at Lance. Mocking him. Almost as if to say, "He's too good for you, y'know."  
  
Lance silently agrees with his new rock friend and drives home.

 

**COOL TEENS AND GRANDMA ALLURA**

Lance McCOOL: there's a show at altea this weekend. same guys playing. im going, anyone else?

Princess Allura: Yeah, Shiro told me. We're getting drinks before his set.

Hunk SMASH: Wow, getting pretty serious huh?  
  
  


Lance feels a twinge of jealousy.

 

Lance McCOOL: wow dating someone you hit it off with??? must be nice

Pidgey: forget your loneliness for a moment and be happy for grandma

Princess Allura: Thank you, Pidge. So yes, I'll be going to the show. Pidge you should go, they're pretty good. There were some great photo OPs too.

Hunk SMASH: Yeah I got a busted lip it was intense.

Pidgey: course, can't miss out on the memeories

Lance McCOOL: well... does anyone other than pidge and allura need a ride?

Hunk SMASH: So just me?

Lance McCOOL: yep lol

Lance McCOOL: well, do you?  
  
  


Hunk SMASH: Actually I was gonna take Shay... so I won't be needing a ride. Thanks for offering though

 

The jealousy grows.

 

Lance McCOOL: so it's just gonna b just me and the gremlin okay cool

Pidgey: i thought we agreed i am a TROLL, not a gremlin

 

Lance closes the chat and sighs. He feels pathetic. Why is he getting upset over his friends finding happiness? Lance was well aware of the famous Shay even before she and Hunk rekindled. Allura's last boyfriend was a real tool, Shiro was a clear upgrade. He obviously made her happy. Pidge was full blown ace, so at least Lance could count on them never finding romance. As rude as that may sound, Lance doesn't like feeling left out. Especially when it comes to romance.

Funny, the story of how he and Pidge met was over a girl. The story where Lance was crying outside his apartment long enough for Pidge to step forward and ask what was wrong. Apparently the girl that Lance was seeing for the past month, had broken ties with him only after telling everyone she was only dating him because she felt guilty. Because Lance was "too much of everything". Too caring, too nice, too anxious, too depressed. She only kissed him when she was high, Lance wishes he knew then.

Pity stories aside, he looks forward to the weekend. He loves his friends and they love him. It'll be fun, it will be okay. Now he has to occupy time until then. Work at Subway with Keith, tease Hunk of his love interest, stalk Shiro on Twitter for Allura. Lance supposes in the meantime, he could write some music or work on unfinished songs. He got his first check a few days ago, it was rather big due to all the overtime he was doing. Overtime because one) he liked working with Keith, and two) he still needs recording equipment.

Lance looks over at his scattered notebooks, his goal for the week is to at least finish a song. All this emotions dwelling in his gut and chest need to be inputted somewhere. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments, kudos, yknow the drill


	7. in my feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i wrote this in like two sittings. it's 3 am and i just couldnt stop until this was done. its 3k+, a bit long for my liking but i wanted to catch up to things i had planned
> 
> anywho,  
> in my feelings - kehlani

After buying groceries for the first time in what feels like forever, Lance saves the leftover cash for recording equipment. It will be a cold day in hell the day Lance goes without buying hot pockets.   
  
In all honesty, Lance absolutely hates putting food away. Back at home, he would bring the most bags inside just to compensate not having to bend over to put away potatoes. To guarantee no one would ask for help, he would lock himself in the bathroom upstairs. The whole house knew that the upstairs bathroom was Lance's shitting bathroom. No one dared to even knock.  
  
Even though he would just lock himself in there and play Tetris on his phone.

All complaints aside, he puts the groceries away anyways. He figured he should run some errands before the show later that night. And by running errands, Lance means chatting up one of his friends. Since Allura and Hunk have been with their "other halves" all day, he goes across the apartment hall to bother Pidge.   
  
The apartment building was the alternative housing for the college they all want to. They could have lived on campus in a dorm, but that would mean having a roommate. Pidge had insomnia and passed their time by tinkering with robots or whatever tech they picked up that day. It didn't take long for whatever roommate they had to complain on their "stubborn attitude" and "refusal to keep their distracting habits down to a minimal". An apartment alone seemed like the only option left. Which for the most part, isn't awful. The only downside is having to pay for your own food instead of going to the school's cafeteria each day.  
  
Lance on the other hand, grew up with having a roommate. Many, to be exact.   
  
Being the third child out of seven, Lance always shared a room with a sibling. He knew all the roommate etiquette there was to have, he just didn't want to spend another part of his life sharing a room. The boy wanted to masturbate in the comfort of his own bed. Plus, Lance had a (high) hope of bringing girls to his room as well, but obviously nothing has gotten very far.

A year into college, the most wild thing Lance had done was have a sloppy, drunk almost hookup with a girl in his calculus class. He did smoke a lot more in college though, but he wouldn't necessarily call that wild. It was just an alternative towards his antidepressants in his mind.   
  
So he has his own apartment. No girls to keep him company like he had hoped. Just a place where he can masturbate with the door open and occasionally toke up.  
  
Lance knocks three times on Pidge's door and shifts his weight to the back of his heels. He noticed paint chipping off the doorframe, and the gold plate of the apartment number was hanging upside down. Pidge's room "9" now looked like room "6". His eyes search for some sort of entertainment until Pidge answered.   
  


That didn't take long. Which was good, the more Lance stared at Pidge's door, the more he realized all the shit that he needed fixed at his own home.

  
A few moments pass and Pidge opens the door, with bags under their eyes. "Greetings and salutations."  
  
"'Afternoon, Pidgey." Lance lets himself in and finds a clear space on Pidge's cluttered couch. They weren't necessarily a hoarder, just extremely messy. Unfinished projects stacked on top of each other. But, if they could still navigate around it, Lance didn't see a need to complain. Pidge was (somewhat) an adult, they could take care of themselves.

Pidge closes the door behind Lance and kneels before the coffee table, "Is Keith busy?" They ask without looking up from a sudoku puzzle.   
  
Lance furrows his brows, "I don't know, why do you ask?"

"Oh I just assumed he was because you're here. Y'know since everyone else has their love interest."   
  
"Keith is not my love interest!" Lance blurts out, coming off a little louder than expected. He quickly recoils, "What? I can't hang out with one of my best friends?"  
  
Pidge looks up and folds their arms across their chest, "Oh I'm sorry, I thought I heard the term _best_ friend. Last time I checked, that qualifies as a friend you don't ignore whenever a pretty face comes along."  
  
 _Keith did have a pretty face_ , Lance thinks to himself. _Wait that's besides the point._

He sees where Pidge's hostility is stemming from, though. He softens his expression, but still soaks his words with sarcasm. This is Pidge he's dealing with. The two can't have a conversation without some form of teasing in between, "Wake up on the wrong side of the nest, Pigeon? Aw Pidge, you miss me? I'm sorry, I realized that I have been neglecting you a bit lately. I came to make amends." Lance stands and walks over to Pidge. He sits behind them and wraps his arms and legs around them in a tight hug.

"Amends are being mended." Pidge breathes out, letting the hostility go. "I'll forgive you if you take me to Denny's. I haven't ate lunch or breakfast." A loud noise echoes in Pidge's stomach, proving the statement true.

Lance nods and rests his chin on the top of Pidge's head, "I can do that. You can even have my turn for the car ride there and back, and for the rides later tonight."

Pidge smiles, "Thanks, Lance."

The car ride to Denny's consisted nothing but The Neighbourhood. Lance couldn't complain, Jesse Rutherford had an amazing voice. He just hoped Pidge would have had a little variety. Nonetheless, the car ride was still enjoyable.

Midafternoon on a Saturday meant a busy Denny's. It took a while before Lance and Pidge were seated, the waitress apologized and sent them warm smiles before she was quickly on her way to the kitchen.

Lance watched her as she went and tried so hard not to swoon. He caught her name as he took a quick glance at her nametag. _Florona_. It sounded like a flower to him, a beautiful one at that. It was fitting, for such a pretty girl to have.

"Dude, you're drooling." Pidge slow blinks, not even having to look up from their menu to know Lance was ogling the poor girl.

He wipes his mouth, "No I'm not! Hey-- do you think she goes to school nearby? Do you think she's single?"

"Wow, you are insufferable. You haven't said a word to her other than 'thank you'." Lance sticks his tongue out in response.

Florona comes back with two glasses of water and takes their order. After ordering his zesty nachos and Pidge's pancakes, Lance tries to chat her up. Florona catches eye on Pidge's tinkered watch, not necessarily meaning to shrug Lance off, (although that's completely what she did), and chats up Pidge instead.  
  
"Wow, I've never seen a watch like that."  
  
Pidge sends a small, cocky smirk towards Lance and beams at Florona, "I'd hope not, I made it myself. Well the band no, but the clock itself and all those little buttons, yeah." Pidge rests their elbow on the tabletop and rotates their wrist for her to see.

"That's super cool, you must be really smart." She smiles and turns to face them properly. Lance watches, mouth agape and brows furrowed at this whole ordeal.

Pidge shrugs in response.

"Where do you go to school?" Florona asks.  
  
"I go to Garrison--"  
  
"--Wow! That's amazing! I hear it's hard to get in. Do you tinker with other things too?"  
  
"Hey I--" Lance tries to speak up and join the conversation. "I go there too!" It was a (failed) vain attempt.

"Well.." Pidge continues to go on about their hobbies about tech and Lance sulk in his seat as he watches this cute girl be swept away at Pidge's nerdobilia.   
  
Lance supposes this is some form of payback from him neglecting Pidge. But he apologized and all was well. Why was God testing him? Why would He bring up this beautiful girl only to have her clouded with Pidge's genius brain? Lance was smart too, not necessarily a genius. Just smart enough to get into this prestigious school on a full ride scholarship, but of course-- no one cares or even asks him. They just assume he was an airhead.  
  
Then again, maybe this was just some nice thing happening to Pidge. Lance couldn't really stay bitter at that for too long.

Lance just twiddles his thumbs and hopes for someone to bring up his name.

After their meal, Pidge demanded Lance to leave a more than generous tip. He would've argued for the sake of saving cash, but he couldn't say no to Pidge when they were excited like that. They looked like a puppy. Lance loved puppies. Who can say no to puppies?

No one.

By the time they left Denny's parking lot, it was six o' clock. The show started at seven. Even though they had some time to spare, Lance decided to head over early anyways. Perhaps Keith, (and the band of course), were there already setting up. He could introduce Pidge as his gremlin friend.

At Altea, it was all bright smiles and cigarette smoke. Just has Lance had anticipated, (and hoped), Chin-Up! Were there setting up. Before Lance and Pidge could go say hi, Coran pulls them aside and looks around, "Is Allura dating that tall gentleman?"

They both look over to where Allura was sitting, then at each other, and shrug. Lance speaks up, "Define dating."

Coran twiddles the end of his mustache, "Dating as in are they a couple. She came in holding his arm, I was curious as all."

  
Pidge raises a brow, "Scandalous."  
  
Lance shakes his head in response, "No, they aren't a couple but they are seeing each other, From what Allura has shared, he's a nice person. He's a friend of Matt's. Do you remember Matt?"

Coran scoffs, "Of course I remember Matt! Boy, I'm not old. I don't have Alzheimer's yet." The wrinkles and grays on his red mustache proved otherwise but, Lance decided to let him keep his pride.

Pidge on the other hand, did not. "But you do get senior discounts."

Coran's face flushes to match the color of his hair and Lance took that as a cue to sweep Pidge away.

  
"Nice talking to you Coran, I think Allura is calling me--" He drags Pidge by their wrist to the venue.

There was Keith, hair pulled into a little bun on the top of his head. He picked up a huge amp to stack it on top of another and Lance was in awe in how effortless he made it all look. A plain grey tee hugged his chest nicely and Lance could have sworn he had to stop himself from staring.

Pidge takes notice of the interaction, but chooses not to comment. That's a first.

Instead of approaching Keith, to make his white lie to Coran appear believable, he walks up to Allura who was so obviously watching Shiro put together his drum set. Pidge waves their hand in front of Allura's face and gives her a toothy grin, "Hello, stranger."

Allura was more polite towards Pidge than Lance was, so instead of making a snarky comment (as Lance would have), she simply smiles back, "Hey. How's Matt doing?"

"Good. He's white so he fits in."

Allura and Lance snicker, Lance's coming off more of a snort.

Keith smiles to himself. He wasn't listening in by choice, they just happened to be right behind him. The sound of Lance's snort was so fucking hilarious but so quirky at the same time. Keith was unsure of making a comment then and there but, he was a man of few words. Plus, he didn't know Pidge and Allura all that well. He's only heard stories of Pidge through Shiro, and Keith lives with him so meeting Allura was inevitable.

Allura calls Shiro over and he smiles at the sight of Pidge, "Oh my God, Katie I haven't seen you since you were in middle school."

"Pidge," Allura corrects him.  
  
"Right, sorry Pidge. I haven't seen you in a long while. Won't happen again. They/Them right?"

Pidge nods, "Yep, you got it. What did brother dearest not talk about me?"  
  
"Well, yes but not often. Sorry again," He smiles at them, practically fixing everything wrong with the world with just that grin.

"It's fine, it happens. My parents still do it, don't worry about it."  
  
"Doesn't make it exactly okay, but that's none of my business," Lance murmurs, earning a small glare from Allura. That basically gave him just the push he needed to go talk to Keith. He was going to, but he was debating when it was appropriate to slowly back away from their conversation. Allura unkowingly gave him the invitation to leave, Lance decided to take it.

He shimmies over to Keith, "Hey buddy, bass slapping yet?"

"It's still in the case," Keith answers, in-matter-of-factly.

"No shit, it was a lil' joke."  
  
Keith shrugs and toys with a bunch of cables, sticking ends into the amp. Nyma hands him a cable, the other end into her Gibson. Lance would try to start a conversation with her but, after their last meeting he got the feeling she didn't particularly like him. The same goes for Rolo but, Lance just feels that nobody likes him. Just a little extra from Nyma.

"I'm sure you know Allura, but the tiny one is Pidge. They/them, don't question it-- uh, they're snarky and cynical. You'd like them." Lance gestures towards Pidge.

Pidge's spidey senses tingle and they turn their head towards Lance. They wave at Keith, "I only have three friends please don't take Lance. Wait-- you can take him." Lance rolls his eyes.

Keith smiles, "I hope he has a receipt."

Lance looks over to Keith, jaw dropped, back at Pidge, then back at Keith again, "I'm hurt. You're in cahoots with the gremlin?"  
  
"Troll! T-R-O-L-L." Pidge spells it out for him and even flips Lance off for added measure.

Bickering aside, and casual introductions among peers, the show starts. Hunk had showed up with Shay ten minutes before the show started. They stood a little closer together than the typical we're-just-friends distance when they came in. The gang seemed to take notice and they all, including Allura, shoot Hunk finger guns. Shay had laughed behind her hand, bangles clinking together on her wrist as she did so.

It took Hunk a little longer to get into the mosh pit. Lance had assumed it was because he wanted to teach Shay the techniques to avoid getting hit. Just stick your fist out when people trample by. It seemed to help, she's only a rookie but she's avoided two serious blows. She's a natural.

Pidge stood beside Allura and some other girls on the bench. They recorded the band and the crowd, to their surprise Lance was still pressed against the wall. He was still smiling and bobbing his head to the music, but nothing more like how he usually would be. Hunk was in the pit, Coran was manning the counter, and Allura was beside them. Everyone was in their normal place besides Lance.

Lance's eyes watched a group of girls giggle and look at Keith. Another group, at Shiro. Shit, even _another_ at Rolo. Lance was more attractive than Rolo, (well at least Lance thought so), where was his small ensemble?

This is normal, people typically fawned over band members. Just Lance couldn't understand why he was feeling extra jealous lately. The music was good, they deserved the fans. Why was he being so bitter?

Pidge takes notice and raises a brow. They could have sworn that they saw Lance staring down the girls drooling over Keith, specifically. Where Pidge lacked on social skills, they made up in social perception. This was something for them to discuss with him later, for now they will proceed like all is normal. Even though they felt something was off. Something was different.

They just couldn't quite place a finger on it.

Lance stayed against the wall for the entire set, even the other local bands that played after them. When the crowd panned out only leaving a few survivors from the ensembles-- the dedicated ones Lance would say, circle around yet again, the band.

Except someone was so obviously hitting on Keith. No subtlety whatsoever.

Lance walks in closer to listen in. Not sure why he wanted to so badly but, something compelled him to do so. Why wasn't anyone approaching him? He probably looked like some cool wallflower throughout the show. Did that not work anymore?

"Wow, you're so talented. How often do you play here?" She asks him, toying with a piercing on her lip.

"Every so often." Keith answers, ambiguous.

"You sure? I would have remembered you." Wow this girl was good, Lance would have to give her that. Maybe he could pick a trick up or two.

Pidge walks between Lance and his view of the interaction and tries to catch attention, "Cold Stone?" The sudden declare for ice cream pulls Lance out of his trance from the girl and nods, looking around to see who else agreed. To no surprise, it's unanimous. Except Rolo and Nyma.

Rolo's reasoning was because he had work the following morning. Nyma on the other hand, simply answered, "Nah."

Lance was caught up in a conversation with Hunk and didn't quite catch what happened between Keith and the girl. But on the walk to Cold Stone, she didn't follow along. Curiosity tugs at Lance's sleeve, begging him to go ask Keith what happened. Except, insecurity kept him at bay. He didn't want him to get the wrong idea. Lance was only wondering if he got the girl's number. Nothing else.

Pidge walked in front of the group, leading them into battle. Well, to the mental turmoil of picking an ice cream flavor. To no one's surprise Shiro walked beside Allura, Hunk besides Shay, and Lance by Keith.

The walk was a bit too quiet for Lance's liking but he wasn't going to be the one to complain. Not this time. He's been doing that a lot lately. Complaining-- that is. Along with wanting to do things but deciding not to. Lance didn't exactly know why, but he wasn't about to question it at that moment.

Everyone in the group was aware that if you worked in retail, you would get an employee discount. What they didn't know was that Shay got free ice cream for being the manager. For herself, but apparently her friend was working the shift that night. Free ice cream for all. It was a good day.

In the corner of the Cold Stone sat a familiar face with bright red hair. Pidge's eyes widen as they spot her. Completely out of the social anxiety character, they approach her. "Hey! You following me?"  
  
Florona smiles and laughs, "I would be if I had your Instagram. Sit with me! I was here shopping late with a friend of mine she went home already. I thought I'd get ice cream before I did too." And Pidge did. They sat across Florona and gave her their Instagram name, along with their Kik.

"Hey, it's you too. What's your name again?" Lance turns around making sure she was asking him directly since y'know, she so obviously brushed him off at Denny's.

He answers anyway, just in case. "Lance. Pidge and I were with our friend watching our other friends play at Altea."  
  
"Oh, that's where that music was coming from." She picks up a Starlight Records shopping bag, "I could hear from Starlight. I was picking up some cassettes since I just got a walkman."

Wow. She truly was amazing. Only music hoes collect cassettes, or old people. Lance was sure she was no way older than Shiro. "That's pretty cool," Lance sits at the table beside theirs and Keith sits across from him. "Oh yeah, this is Keith. He was making the music."  
  
"Just the bass." Keith adds.

"Oh, that's cool." She smiles. "I wanna learn bass but then again, I'd like to learn a lot of instruments but I'm working full time."

Keith nods, "Yeah I understand, it's really easy though. All string instruments are kinda similar if you know one."  
  
"I know ukulele. And by know, all I can play are Steven Universe songs."

Pidge turns their head at such a quick pace, Lance is surprised their neck didn't snap. But he understood why, Pidge was completely in love and maybe just a little obsessed with Steven Universe. It did combine two of their favorite things, gays and space.

"You're my best friend now. I just decided."

Florona laughs, "I'm more than okay with that. By the way, you can call me Flor."

Hunk calls from across the shop, "Pidge you made a friend! That means there's four now." Pidge flips him off.

"Har har, very funny. Stop it or you won't be my token straight anymore." Hunk raises his arms in defense. Shay laughs and catches Hunk's attention again. The interaction was sweet and Pidge silently retracts their statement. If Hunk were to be straight with Shay, that would be more than okay. She did score everyone free ice cream. That was basically giving Pidge a hundred dollars in cash.

"They look cute together." Florona smiles at them, "Are they together too?" She motions towards Allura and Shiro.

Pidge pushes back their glasses, "Kind of."

"Kind of? Do you all have girlfriends by the way?"   
  
"They're dating but not 'together together'. I'm ace, so no partners for me." Pidge licks some of their ice cream. Noticing that the vanilla was melting down to their hand. They didn't notice how much they were talking. Poor ice cream was being neglected.

Lance's single ass shakes his head, "No girlfriend for me."  
  
Keith shakes his head too, "I'm gay so no."

The world stopped turning.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is that a cliffhanger? kinda. 
> 
> please comment!! i!! crave!! attention!!!  
> kudos is good too but i live for comments


	8. no more sad songs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy fuck i shit this out in one go. why do i write when its 3 am instead of do my hw like a good student? wait im not a good student lmao
> 
> but yeah heres some ANGST
> 
> the previous chapter was intended to be two chapters according to my outline but, things happened (obviously)
> 
> so heres a filler angst chapter and a fight
> 
> no more sad songs - elvis depressedly

Lance turns his head towards Keith.

_Did I hear that correctly?_

Flor excuses herself, "Oh sorry for assuming, I'm gay too." She reaches her fist out. Keith stares at it for a moment before realizing what to do as Pidge bumped their fists together to give him a hint.

Lance turns his head at Flor. Well that explained why his charm didn't work. Lance wanted to speak up, about something-- anything. But nothing seemed to come to mind. Why did he want to speak in the first place? There wasn't anything to comment on.

Except there were things to comment on, or at least question about.

Why did Lance's stomach flip when Keith said that? Like how Pidge said before, the whole friend group knew Lance has had flings with guys before. There was a feeling in his chest then when he realized that he exposed himself. His arms were shaky, but why? Shame?

That couldn't be it. Allura was bi, and Lance was beyond supportive when she came out to her family during her piano recital. He couldn't care less about who boned who, (or clammed). Yet why does Keith saying he is make his palms sweaty?

Pidge takes a notice of Lance's silence and sends him a direct message.  
  


Pidgey: now you have a chance with Keith

Pidgey: you should ask him what his type is (;

Lance McCOOL: id rather kill myself

Pidgey: smh you were suicidal prior that means nothing

Lance McCOOL: exactly  
  
  


Pidge looks up from their phone and mutters a quick apology to Flor. Lance on the other hand, stayed on his phone. Mindlessly scrolling through social media at some pathetic attempt as a shield. It wasn't like he was talking anyway. Flor and Keith were bounding over gayness and Pidge was adding their own opinions, per usual.

Lance just... felt out of place? He wasn't sure.

It was as if he were an eighth wheel. Allura had Shiro, Shay to Hunk, and Flor had both Pidge and Keith. Lance was just _there_.

Keith looked over to Lance a few times. Each time to the back of his phone. Keith would ask a question to bring him back into the conversation but, if Lance were to step out of it, there must be a reason. Keith decided to just let him be.

After everyone said their goodbyes, Lance and Pidge drove home.

Now in the safety of Lance's car, Pidge was free to poke and prod at what the hell was going in Lance's mind. Pidge knew something was dwelling. Lance had been hooked onto Keith, and suddenly grew quiet when he found out he was gay. Something was obviously up.

"Hey, Lance?" Oh no, that was the serious voice.

Lance wasn't having it, he didn't _feel_ like talking about his feelings. His feelings won't even talk to him! How was supposed to talk about them if he didn't even know where to start-- or if they were even there to begin with. He didn't know why Keith's "I'm gay" made him so... confused.

"Yes, Pigeon?"

Pidge ignored the taunt. This was Serious Mode™. "Do you actually like Keith?"

Lance ignored all laws of aviation that confirmed the souring of his heart and blurted out, "What, no! Why would you think that?"

Pidge readjusted their glasses, "Well for one, that reaction you gave proved otherwise. Two, at Cold Stone, you were awfully quiet. And I know that it wasn't because of Flor."

Lance clenched the steering wheel, knuckles turning white. He bites back his tongue, he didn't want to say anything that could possibly make him even more confused. "Just choose a damn CD."

"No, you can't run away from this. You accept everyone as they are but you won't even accept yourself? I pity you."

Lance didn't care if they were a block away, he slams on the brakes and turns to face Pidge, eyes full of venom. "Get out of the car."

"What? Why? Don't do this shit just because I'm right." Pidge shoots back, they weren't going to let Lance win this time. When Lance was debating switching majors, Pidge was there to help-- even if he ended up following what his parents wanted. When Lance was unsure of asking this girl he liked out, they encouraged him to ask her, even if he ended up not doing it.

They weren't going to let that happen, not again. Lance had enough repressed shit pent up. This was the absolute last thing Lance needed. Shit, he didn't need it at all.

A car honks behind Lance, speeding past him as the driver yelled a "fuck you" before skidding off. But Lance sat grounded, "No, we are not doing this again. You don't get to act high and mighty all because you have your life figured out."

"Fuck you! Don't pin this on me, it's not my fault you have this weird internalized biphobia." That was it. Pidge figured it out.

Lance clenched his jaw, "No I don't, you don't get to point out my problems and flaws. Who gave you the fucking right?"

"Oh so you admit it's a problem?" Pidge crosses their arms.

"Get the FUCK out of my car!" Lance yelled. That was enough, this wasn't about Keith. This was far beyond him. This was his father's machismo pride telling him that there was no way in hell his son would like boys. This was his mother fawning over future grandchildren with Lance's eyes and his father's nose.

If Lance could deal with studying a major he hated for parental approval, he could handle pushing this under the rug. Lance liked girls, and that was it. Nothing else.

As for Pidge, Pidge sat in awe at how absolutely pathetic it was for Lance to hide this any longer. They weren't hurt at having to walk home at 1 AM, they were fed up with Lance's childish bullshit. He lived on his own, he drove his ass to school and back, set up his own appointments and all. Not only that, he helped raise his younger siblings. Lance grew up quicker than most kids and Pidge knew that. Pidge also knew that Lance was grown the fuck up. He needed to stop following his parents' wishes, start accepting himself, and do the things he wanted.

But for now, Pidge would let Lance be bitter. They would let Lance be petty and make them walk home. If that's what it took for Lance to realize how utterly idiotic he was being, then so be it.

"Fine! But remember that I'm always fucking right." Pidge stepped out of the car and slammed the door hard. Hard enough to release some of that building frustration that Lance is causing. Pidge balled their fists and stomped across the sidewalk home.

As Lance drove away, tears started streaming down his face. He hated crying during fights, so he usually tried to hold them in. Except when they were released, the tears sure did fall. And boy were they falling.

He coughed slightly and rubbed his eyes. A large part of him knew Pidge was right, he was just too stubborn to give them the satisfaction. Even if it ended up hurting him more in the end.

Lance knows he's going to have to apologize eventually, but for now he was angry. He was angry at Pidge for being right, and angry at himself for getting angry in the first place. And even more angry for that entire conundrum.

But even more so, he was upset for realizing that even if he ever got a boyfriend, he could never bring them home. It hurt, to have to hide this part of him. He hid a lot of things from his parents, but it never made things any better. It was just another thing he kept to himself.

It hurt making his family anything less than proud, after all they've done for him. Lance grew up, feeling as if he needed to do something-- anything, to repay them for all that they have done. Cuba was a far trip, but to start a better life for their children, his parents traveled to a foreign land anyways. They sacrificed so much, he could at least make them proud.

How was he supposed to do that if he wasn't a genius like his sister or hardworking like his brother? How was he supposed to make them proud if his gay cousin is shunned from the family? How was he supposed to make them proud if they already believed something was wrong with him? Numerous of therapy sessions and various medications to numb the aching in his chest and the emptiness in his soul. This was only another thing for them to worry about.

And the worst part of it all for Lance was that he couldn't pick a side. He liked girls and maybe he did like boys too. If being gay was a hard enough concept for his family to understand, being bi would only be more confusing.

So for now, Lance drives home at 1AM alone, crying softly to the quiet hum of the engine. Moments like these, silence is all he needs. His thoughts are loud enough. He just wanted to lay down in the comfort of his own home, and cry himself to sleep.

That was emo sure, but he needed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how to say machismo in english. it means like... tough guy. machismo pride-- macho man, no crying, get all the ladies, be the working man of the family, etc.  
> ye sounds about right.
> 
> comments are A P P R E C I A T E D  
> kudos too


	9. summer sickness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kinda wanna write a hunay fic after this.... strictly hunay. then a shallura one. one day
> 
>  
> 
> summer sickness - safe to say

Lance for the first time since he started working at Subway, did not want to show up at all. A large part of him wanted to call in sick but, he needed the money. The other part of him wanted to know why would he want to skip work. Avoiding Keith seemed like the reason, but it wasn't valid. Lance knew that it wasn't, Keith had no part in this internal struggle. He wasn't the one who made him realized he liked guys.

It was just confusing. He kept wondering on what could've made Keith's comment affect him so greatly. Lance had crushes before, but he didn't think this could be a crush. Could it? Wasn't this just the moment that he finally came to terms with himself?

The digital clock glared at Lance to get up and be an adult. The blue color hazed all too unpleasantly on his eyes. It wanted him suck it up and go to work, almost as if to say, "Stop being a baby". But Lance couldn't find the strength to do so.

These past few days were draining. Each day sucked a little more of his soul. The group chat was dead-- everyone could feel the tension between Lance and Pidge. Hunk and Allura avoided the chat at all costs, no one dared to even bring up the cliche, "Why can't we all just get along?"

Lance and Pidge were two stubborn individuals. As much as Lance wanted to apologize and tell Pidge that they were right, he didn't want to give them the satisfaction. Lance had too much pride.

At this moment, his pride is the only thing he has left.

Lance can't go to Altea, there's a large possibility the gang will be there and he did not want to deal with an intervention. He can't hang out with his friends, (for obvious reasons), he can't go to Starlight since it's right by Subway. It might not be his top priority, but Lance still did not want to see Keith.

Guilt plagued Lance's chest. Keith never texted Lance first, let alone called him, but ever since he grew quiet he would send a few messages here and there.

None of them were intrusive, and Lance appreciated that greatly. However for some reason, it seemed to make things worse.

Keith Kogane: Hey did u listen to the new gorillaz album yet?

Keith Kogane: Whats the guys name at altea? I forgot and its bugging me

Silence. Lance didn't even bother opening the conversation. It felt like a low blow in his gut. Keith didn't deserve this, he was a nice person. Lance is just being a dick. Of course, he always pushes people away when he gets like this. It's no wonder that Lance only has like three friends. Well, maybe two if you exclude Pidge. Lance knew in his heart that they were still friends but there was this nagging thought in the back of his head. This nagging thought that sat in the dark corner of his mind, constantly repeating over and over that this was his fault and that this will be the end of the friendship. As irrational as it sounded, it even cooed sweet nothings like, "Everyone is going to leave. They don't understand you like I do. I'll take care of you" to make it seem plausible.

It wasn't common for Lance's thoughts to embody a person. Sometimes they came in the form of an older version of himself, (which was rare saying that Lance couldn't picture himself living past thirty), other times they were a stranger he never got around to know.

So that left two friends. Hunk and Allura, even though neither of them have been as active in conversations. Lance couldn't blame them, he did the same when he met Keith.

Keith.

Why doesn't Lance consider Keith his friend? They might as well be. Lance finally made use of his unlimited minutes plan. He doesn't even stay on the phone that long to talk to his family. Him and Keith got along just as well as he and Hunk. So why did it feel weird to call him his friend?

In speaking of Keith, Lance's ringtone blares and pulls him out of the rabbit hole he's fallen into. And by rabbit hole, it was his downward spiral of thoughts and blanket cocoon.

There's a voice inside Lance's head telling him to let it go to voicemail but, for some reason Lance picks up anyway.

"Helloo." He singsongs. Sometimes if he physically forced himself to smile, he would sound happier. There was no way in hell he was going to signal any sort of depression towards Keith. He didn't need to know that side of Lance. (Yet? At all?)

"Hey... are you coming in today?" Keith's voice was cautious, gentle. It was as if he knew something was wrong and for some odd reason, that felt like a slap to Lance's face.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Shit, now he has to get up and be a valid member of society. He holds the phone and crawls out of bed.

"I don't know you just seem... off lately."

Lance smiles and says through gritted teeth, pulling on jeans, "Nope. I'm great, I'll be there in fifteen minutes. See you then," He hangs up before Keith could say anything else. It was a bit rude but Lance didn't want to hold that happy-go-lucky facade anymore. He had the walk to his car and the ride to work to mope.

Until then, Lance would be bitter for no particular reason. Sure he could be upset about the Pidge argument, that was to be expected. However, it wasn't justifiable. Lance was just as much to blame for his actions. The only real reason to be bitter was for his overall being and upkeep of his friendships.

In the car ride there, his knuckles turned white for how he clenched the steering wheel. The summer sun had heated the wheel, but the burning feeling was distracting. Distracting for whatever his mind was clouding. Should I crash the car? Drive it over a cliff? Nah, someone would have to clean that up.

Elvis Depressedly's music was a lot more ominous than normal. Maybe it was because it was only his voice, filling the car up with the windows down. In most car rides Lance would be singing along, or he would be with Pidge, chatting them up. It was pathetic now, with both his hands burning to the sound of n.m.s.s.

At Subway, Lance walks in bright smiles and all. Never mind the first degree burn on his palms, nothing happened. Nothing at all, no fight with Pidge, no burns, no sad songs; everything was fine as long as he pretended it was. He waves at Keith and heads to the back room to put on his apron and visor.

Keith stood in awe. Lance walked in without a hello or joke of the day like normal. Keith knew something was up, there had to be. He didn't have to be his best friend to know that Lance wasn't exactly in the best of mental states. That would be a discussion for another time though, the wound was still fresh. Keith didn't want to accidentally pour salt into said wound.

Lance steps out from the back, all dressed up and ready to go. "Slow day?"

Keith nods, "Yep, more like slow week."

Lance laughed and smiled. Keith smiled too, it was a little rare for Keith to crack a small joke but it felt appropriate. He didn't have to address the problem to make things a little nicer for Lance to be around. If Keith had to make shitty jokes, then so be it.

"Aw, Mullet, you're making funnies." Lance puts a hand over his heart and sticks out his bottom lip.

"Funnies? I thought we agreed no more mullet." Keith puts his fists on his hips like an angry mom.

Lance laughs again, and Keith could have sworn that laugh was the cure to all diseases. Lance was the sun, radiating warmth. Even if he knew it was fake to some extent, being near him made him feel warm.

Lance looks over to the tip jar with clear pity, "I haven't been here for an hour and there isn't even a quarter in here. Tough crowd today?"

Keith shakes his head, "No, probably saving coins."

Unlikely. Most people probably caught a glimpse of Keith's grumpy face and decided to hang on to that dollar twenty-five. When Lance was here, he could rack up two dollar tips at most. "Maybe if you smiled people would want to give you their spare change. Come on, blind them with your charm and stunning smile."

It took every inch of Keith's powers to not blush at that comment. "Har har, good one. You're so funny."

"No, no I'm serious. Do you even like working here--"

"--No, I hate it." Lance didn't have to finish his sentence. It was true though, Keith hated nearly every minute here. The only times where it was endurable was when Lance was around, but he can't be around every time Keith is on a shift. Plus, he made little to no tips. When Lance was here, people would tip a lot more generously.

"I'm sure they sense it. Just force a smile, it'll be helpful in the long run." Lance raises up two peace signs and gives Keith his brightest, toothy grin.

Keith wondered if he applied that logic to himself, and how often he did so.

"I doubt it would make much a difference."

"It makes all the difference! Try it for the next hour and just see the tips rise. Come on, if you get at least six dollars by the end of the day, I'll buy you whatever emo CD you want from Starlight. How does that sound?"

The bribe was tempting. Plus, spending a little extra time with Lance after his sudden AWOL seemed appealing. Perhaps he would give it a try, "You got it."

An hour into working, and Lance proved Keith wrong. He did rack up like eight dollars worth of tips. Lance knew he had it in him, plus Keith's smile was the cutest thing in the universe.

Of course, those weren't Lance's words. He wouldn't even allow himself to think that.

"What emo CD you getting? Pierce the Veil? Or were you a Three Days Grace emo when you first got into music?" Lance cleaned tables from previous messy customers.

Keith laughed aloud, it wasn't like him. Lance had to pause for a moment to make sure that laugh actually came out of Keith Kogane, the same mellow guy he met the month before.

"Oh my god, I'm so appalled. Were you?" He laughed so hard he had to wipe away small tears from the corner of his eyes.

"Hey! Fuck you! Pierce the Veil is good. Sure their fans can be a little cringey, but the lyrics are great and I can't turn away fellow browns in the emo genre. As for Three Days Grace, my encounter with them was brief. They were my brother's favorite band so it was like-- his 'thing'? I don't know. But yeah, don't shit on me!"

Keith laughed even harder, "Oh-- Oh my god, please stop I can't breathe." 

"Let it out, I'll give you a minute to recollect yourself." Lance crossed his arms and pouted.

"No no, I'm done," He coughs out one more chuckle, "Okay, now I'm done. I grew up with older music. Shiro was nine at the time when his dad adopted me. He had a garage band with his buddies so I kinda grew up on his music. He played a lot of AC/DC and the Rolling Stones."

"Did he inspire you to get into your own band? Start making your own music?"

Keith nodded, "Yeah, he actually helped me out a lot. I didn't know anything about recording, his friend even taught me how to play bass."

A small smile crept on Lance's face at the thought of tiny Keith holding a bass two times his size. "That's really cool, and kinda sweet. I grew up on all sorts of music. I'm not sure if you noticed but I'm brown. I moved to the states when I was like six. Before then it was a lot of reggaeton, boleros, and banda. Then when we got here, my sister went nuts for Avril Lavigne and Gwen Stefani." Keith laughed. "Shut up! No Doubt was the first album I ever memorized. It's good!"

"Yes, I know. I just find it funny. It's nice, though. Good funny."

Lance calmed down a bit, "Well good... My brother played Linkin Park and Hollywood Undead. As soon as that passed, he got into Brand New, my sister listened to Paramore. My younger siblings at this time started listening to stuff too, my little sister loves classical music and oldies-- still does even. So that was always around. My mom always had the radio on, so anything from spanish stations to the hit local station was playing. It was just... a big part of home. My dad had an eight string acoustic he would play, he taught my brother how to play-- a normal six string I mean. Then he taught me. My little sister learned violin. The house was always filled with music."

Keith was so lost in Lance's eyes. He was paying attention to what he was saying, but Lance had him captivated with the way he lit up when he spoke. It was amazing, and Keith could feed off of his happiness. That was the purest form of good vibes, and to say the least, Keith was feeling it. 

"That's so... Great. Amazing, even."

Lance smiles and nods, "Yeah, I picked up drums too in high school. I'm not exceptionally well but I know enough. I sing too sometimes--" That was a mistake. Abort abort, "--But not really, I don't do it often or at all. It just happens, y'know?" He laughs nervously.

"You sing well enough for you admit you can."

"I wouldn't say well, but yeah sure. I guess? I'm no Rolo."

Keith shrugs, "I sing too but I haven't recorded anything. I have some songs written but... I don't know."

"You should post a song! I've been meaning to as well, that's kinda why I started working. I wanna record something and post it."

"Hey man, that's pretty cool. Send me a link when you do, I'll do the same for you."

Lance smiled and waved some finger guns, "Sick. Now, since we know it's probably gonna be another fifteen minutes before someone comes in, change the station please."

And Keith did.

After work, the two ended up looking at Gwen Stefani and Rolling Stones albums.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yknow the drill


	10. ellipses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi its 6 am i have no self control.  
> also i apologize for the delay. i wasnt sure what to do since i took the liberty of straying from my outline. i had to write a chapter that brought me back to it  
> and this, so happened to be it.
> 
> ellipses - basement
> 
> also this is a keith centric chapter, so the song i chose is an instrumental (from one of my favessssss i love basement)

Living on the outskirts was great for numerous of reasons. One, Keith never grew accustomed to the fast paced city life. He grew up enjoying the quiet creaking of old hardwood floor, the soft brush of the breeze outside. A two bedroom house with a large yard in the middle of nowhere, was Keith’s version of ideal living. Two, because he lives fairly far from town, he doesn't have to deal with the late night traffic that bothered most people. Sure Keith loved motorcycles and hoped to be a mechanic as soon as he quit his job, but hearing them at two in the morning sucked. And most importantly three, with no one around to complain about loud noise, the band can practice in the Brogane garage.

In other news, Keith checked his phone for the third time today. Normally he wouldn’t be so attached. Well, at least his definition of attached. Nyma on the other hand, checked hers three times every five minutes. If Keith cared enough, maybe he would do the math. Except he didn’t, and still couldn’t figure out why he’s picking up Nyma’s habits now after three years of being around her.

Each time Keith mindlessly checked the time on his phone rather than his watch, he had some small sliver of hope that maybe Lance had texted him. It wasn’t like Keith received texts often enough to subconsciously feel a vibration in his pocket, nor did he actually see anything there when he did check. There weren’t any messages from Lance or anyone else. In all honesty, Keith didn’t have many people he talked to. Neither did Keith expect Flor or Pidge to text him after one solid conversation the week prior. 

It didn’t make any sense to why he cared so much. Maybe Keith was just lonely. Or at least, that’s what he mused to himself. 

Shiro begins moving water bottles to the garage for later that afternoon. Rehearsals started at three, but knowing how Rolo and Nyma were, they’d show up at four. Still, Shiro set up everything, had drinks and snacks ready, as if they would show up on time. Keith couldn’t tell if this was some blind hope or just a preoccupation for doing the dishes. Either or, Keith isn’t complaining and he wasn’t about to tell Shiro either. There was always that possibility that he would ask him to do the dishes instead. And Keith being as nice as he is wouldn’t say no, despite it being purgatory.   
  
So Keith kicks his feet up on the coffee table and sits on the couch. A normal person would turn on the tv as background noise, but Keith didn’t roll like that. Instead, Keith stared at the tv screen and listened to the quiet ticking of his watch. Lance would say it’s because he’s too “edgy” or too “cool”, and of course Keith would fight back a smile and turn away.   
  
Most days, Keith would stare at the tv screen until he grew tired of the position he was in, or until the rare occurrence of Nyma and Rolo showing up on time. Except now, there was still this tugging in his pocket, this weight that demanded to be lifted. His phone was calling for him yet again, and Keith was damn sure nobody texted him.

Maybe he should just suck it up and text first. But God, did he hate fucking doing that. 

Before Keith could change his mind, he opens his messenger app-- ready to send another message to Lance’s empty conversation. Keith hopes that if he were to try a different approach, Lance would respond. It’s been awhile since they last talked outside of work. Even during work, their talks felt a little different too. Of course it was still enjoyable nonetheless, but it didn’t feel _real_. Keith had hoped it wasn’t his coming out that made the conversations so elusive. The last time he felt he and Lance had a genuine conversation was when they bonded over CDs at Starlight. That was weeks ago, it felt like months. After being exposed to Lance, just like with a drug, he was itching for another fix.

 

Keith Kogane: When are u free

Keith Kogane: I need new strings, if u wanna come w me I can show u the good equipment

 

Okay sure, maybe it was a white lie. Keith didn’t need new strings, but he did need some human interaction. Shiro didn’t count since he was his brother, regardless if Keith found his presence enjoyable or not. Rolo was cool to talk about cars and bikes with, but Keith wasn’t about to bother him. And well Nyma was something else. She wasn’t necessarily a drag to be around, she was a cool girl to talk to when she wanted to be. But Keith didn’t want to fight for a pleasant conversation. At least with Lance, it was always pleasant. 

Even when Lance was upset, for reasons unknown to Keith, he was still pleasant.

  
Given any other day, Keith wouldn’t need human interaction. He was used to being alone and he liked it. It wasn’t some poor tragedy that forced its way onto him. Most days, Keith chose to stay at home and do errands by himself. Loneliness was a familiar feeling, he’s felt it before in the group homes and foster care. It wasn’t until Lance magically showed up and made him develop this… naggy feeling in his gut. Yeah Keith could use breaks from people, Lance included, but when that social regeneration period passed, he wanted exposure again. As of lately, he’s only been wanting social exposure from Lance. He had no idea why, but he didn’t question it and frankly, he didn’t care to. All he knew was that Lance was fun to talk to and he kept things interesting. Of course Keith would prefer him over any other alternative. Then again, there weren’t many alternatives. That loneliness was slowly resurrecting itself again. 

A few minutes pass and Lance responds. Surprisingly, Keith is quick and grabs his phone, already shooting a reply as he reads.

 

Lance McLAME: im not free //:

Im expensive B)

Lance McLAME: can you afford me Keith??

 

Keith Kogane: Probably can. Ive heard u call yourself worthless before, im sure i can afford that

Lance McLAME: wow dont expose me

Keith Kogane: Then dont call yourself worthless in the first place

Lance McLAME: yea yea whatever. But sorry i gotta decline that date /:

im helping plan for allura’s bday party

 

Keith feels his heart skip a beat. Whether that be panic from Lance’s date comment, or captivation is up to interpretation. In other news, if Allura were to have a party then Shiro would most likely be going, so would Lance. If those two people were, then Keith had to go. He and Shiro could play it off as if they were a package deal.

At least he could see Lance again. Was that sappy? Probably. Keith didn’t care anymore.

 

Keith Kogane: Has she told Shiro yet?

Lance McLAME: GODD u take forever to respond

Lance McLAME: do u get ur phone

then throw it across the pacific ocean

Keith Kogane: It was only 6 minutes

Lance McLAME: sweetheart thats forever in texting etiquette

i thought you would know that by now

 

Here lays Keith, with another skipped heartbeat and a visible blush. Keith didn’t need a mirror to know his face was red. He always flushed easily, whether that be from embarrassment or physical activity didn’t matter. His pale skin was inclined to it. Even if Lance was joking, which he obviously was, it still had the same effect.

 

Keith Kogane: I have practice gtg

Lance McLAME: ok ill leave

Lance McLAME: and im sure she has. Just ask him

 

  
There goes another white lie. Technically he did have practice, but Rolo and Nyma weren’t there yet. Keith just needed an out from that conversation. 

It did feel nice though, to talk to Lance again that is. Even if it were for a short time, it was refreshing and Keith couldn’t get enough of it-- of him.

 

Rolo and Nyma roll on by an hour later. Nyma outside of public eye, surprisingly had a loud and abrasive personality. The sound of her kicking the door down, (not really but in Keith’s imagination, it felt like it), and ice cubes shaking in her Starbucks cup was enough to pull Keith out of his pining. 

At least Keith had enough self awareness to know it was pining. The first step to recovering from it was acceptance.

The Chin-Up! gang (Keith always hated the name but Shiro found it overwhelming positive so here they are now), heads to the garage. After their last show, Rolo had unloaded all the equipment in the garage, including his own instruments. He nor Nyma had a backup at home, so they went cold turkey for the time being. Shiro simply dismissed it as a break from music and did the same.

Keith on the other hand, could not go a day without playing music for the life of him.

Each day, he practiced. Each day, he played some smooth melody that he couldn’t get out of his head the day of. Music was a drug, his own prescription of heroin. And frankly, Keith knew it was Safe to Say--

_Nice band ref’ Keith._

_Thanks, Keith._

\--That he was definitely an addict.

 

After a few sound checks pass, it was good to know that each of the band members were talented enough to pick up right from where they left off. Warm ups went too smoothly most days. They usually just went through full setlists until they got bored, then planned for the next one.

Originally it was Shiro and Rolo who started the band. Of course if some of,  if not the most talented people in the group, were to have started the band, all those who followed would have to match up to their criteria. Keith was glad that he was the only bass player, if not he may have been a little competitive. No matter how much she denied it during her and Keith’s late night toke up sessions, Nyma did crush on Rolo. Keith saw her push for a rivalry between them two as some attempt to prove herself to him. Even though she didn’t have to, Nyma was one of the most talented people Keith knew.

Then again, that wasn’t saying much since Keith didn’t get out too often. His intentions are true though, and he means every positive reinforcement he sends her way.

After a long rehearsal, the band wraps up to the sound of Rolo cracking open a beer can. Beers are passed around by Nyma and they all sit down to chat.

From behind his drum set, Shiro stretches until he hears a satisfying pop. “Allura’s birthday is coming up and--”

“--Oh! Sweet Romeo, thou must whisk your Juliet away on such a blessed day!” Nyma places her hands over her heart then kisses her beer can, “Allura is so smart, Allura is so beautiful.” Nyma’s brown lipstick smears against the sweat of the can. When she sees Shiro blushing behind her hand she eases the teasing and smiles. “Are you gonna grow a pair and ask her out already or what?”

Rolo nodded and raised his can towards Shiro, “She’s right, man. All you’ve been talkin’ about is that girl. I have to admit, she sure is attractive. Guess you can say she’s rather _alluring_.” He puts a sweaty arm around Nyma and smiles, proud of his little pun.

Shiro laughs into his drink and takes a sip, “I’m just giving it time. I really like her and I wanna make the timing perfect.” It was so sweet, to see Shiro so wonderfully smitten by someone. He’s never had a real love before. Sure, he’s dated here and there but never really found someone with an intimate connection.

“I recommend you do it _just in time_ for her party.” At this point, Rolo was beating a dead horse. He tried to do a play on words but, clearly he was failing miserably.

“God, that wasn’t even punny. Just painful.” Nyma lightly shoves his arm away and wipes his sweat off his shoulder. For most people, this would be gross and unsanitary. However for a concert vet like Nyma, who has spent a large amount of time pressed against sweaty strangers, this was nothing. At least Rolo showered regularly.

“Yeah,” Keith chirped, “That was almost as bad as Lance.”

Nyma cocked her head, “Lance? The lanky brown kid?” Keith nodded, “God, he’s annoying.” Ntma turns to go back to her seat, kicking away a few cables in her path, “He is the epitome of sexist asshole.”

“Woah woah woah,” Shiro stands up, “Easy there, he’s a good person.”

Rolo shakes his head, “Hate to disagree with you, Champion, but I don’t like the vibes I get from him. You see the way he looks at Nyma?”

Keith clenched his jaw. He’s never noticed him look at Nyma, let alone in a dirty way. Who were they to talk about Lance? They’ve never even gave him the time of day. Lance explicitly said so in one of his late night rambling. Keith could assume the flirty exterior is a cover up, he was smart enough to pick that up. In reality, he knew Lance was insecure-- he just couldn’t pinpoint what it exactly was.

There wasn’t a sexist bone in Lance’s body. Perhaps there was an asshole one, Keith has witnessed how sharp his tongue could be a few times. But overall, he wasn’t an asshole.

Keith opens his mouth to speak but Shiro’s voice overthrows his own, “He’s tried to talk to her. The only negative look exchanged is the one she shoots back at him. I’m sorry but I’ve talked to him firsthand, he’s a good person. Even Keith could back me up on this, they work together. Huh, Keith?” Shiro looks over to Keith who only profusely nods.

Keith didn’t know why he couldn’t fathom the words to explain how good Lance is. Keith’s vocabulary wasn’t exactly the largest, but he did know nice, intelligent, and endearing. He just couldn’t bring himself to speak up. His hands began sweating at the thought. At least it wasn’t uncommon for Keith to stay quiet.

Nyma shrugged, “Maybe I misjudged him. Poor words on my part, but I still don’t like him. He’s too peppy.”

“That’s edgy,” oh look, Keith can speak. Wait, why can’t he say more?

“Sweetheart, look at yourself,” Nyma scoffs and motions towards Keith. The girl did have a point. As Lance described before, Keith Kogane was the epitome of edgy. “Fucking Hot-Topic-sponsor-looking-ass.”

At least that last comment was funny. Keith could appreciate Nyma’s bitchy humor if it made solid observations. It did, also earn a rowdy laugh from Rolo that she appreciated, and a small chuckle from Shiro. Shiro would normally shoot down jokes directed towards his little brother, but he could let that one sly.

 

Playful banter and Shiro’s sweet nothings about Allura aside, it was mostly a good rehearsal. Keith would say mostly because of numerous reasons.

One, Shiro didn’t condone Keith drinking like he normally would. It wasn’t as if Keith was a heavy drinker, he didn’t even care for alcohol that much, he just didn’t like the mothering. As Keith grows more independent, Shiro slowly eased on his parental habits. Throughout their childhood, Shiro took it upon him to keep Keith on this imaginary leash. It was a short leash. A leash that only allowed Keith to ride his bike as far as he could see them. Now that they were grown, a bike turned into a motorcycle and Shiro couldn’t hold Keith’s hand at his job interviews. 

Two, Shiro becoming closer  to Allura meant less focus on Keith. It didn’t bother him in the slightest, because as it was described before-- Shiro could be overbearing sometimes, playing the father role more than he did brother. It was nice to see him happy with someone, though. And from the information gathered on Allura through Lance, she was rather motherly as well. That had to be a match made in heaven if Keith ever did see one. Allura’s birthday could, and will, serve as some great marker of events (other than her birth), for Shiro. Maybe even for others, even though Rolo and Nyma turned down the invitation to go.

And three, Keith couldn’t understand why he grew so tongue tied when Nyma and Rolo started dissing Lance. Like always, Shiro took on the protective father role, though no one expected or even asked him to. Keith wanted to be the one to speak up. He _did_ want to that’s what was most confusing. It wasn’t as if he didn’t want to defend Lance, he just couldn’t. His mind wouldn’t allow it and Keith was too confused to understand why, or how.

After Rolo and Nyma left, and Shiro went to the kitchen to finally wash the dishes, Keith walked down the hall to his room. In his room, he plopped down on his bed and stared up at the ceiling, thinking of all the possible things he could have said. Now, they all came at once. _“Lance is a good person, he had to be after the shit he told me”, “He can’t be sexist, he looks at every person as if they’re the sun”, “He can’t be an asshole, he was the only one who doesn’t let me sit alone.”_

Maybe Keith was more in trouble than he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls COMMENT  
> honestly i read all of them and each of them add to my life expectancy  
> depressed kat???? idk her


	11. the weekend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the weekend - modern baseball
> 
> id apologize for the delay but im DEPRESSED and the inspiration for this fic comes spontaneously  
> if it helps any, the next chapter is coming up soon cause this chapter got p long (almost 3k and if i proceeded with the storyline, probably would have pushed for 6-8k and I CANNOT do that)  
> anyways theres drinking in this chapter. mentions of drugs?

Lance didn’t know what it was that made him feel so giddy that saturday afternoon. Maybe it’s because at heart, Lance was still a twelve year old boy who would walk past the women’s lingerie section at Kohl’s and giggle. That seemed likely because, what twelve year old boy didn’t laugh at boobies? The only problem was that one) he hasn’t laughed at boobies since he was twelve, two) guilt plagued his mind since he left Allura’s gift until last minute again, and three) something happened that morning that would cause Lance to feel giddy. Something that wasn’t boobies. Though, Keith could be a boob at times.

 

Keith Kogane: hey good morning

Keith Kogane: hope to see u at allura’s bday, shiros taking me

Keith Kogane: well obviously im gonna see u shes your friend of course you’re going,,

Keith Kogane: just ignore me

 

It was out of character for Keith to message Lance first, let alone a good morning message. The message itself was short, sweet, and to the point; A lot like Keith, Lance might add. Well, minus sweet. Keith was a little too brooding to be “sweet”. But besides that, Keith thought of Lance first thing in the morning and boy, did that resonate well with Lance.

 

Strange, the man of many words was left speechless at choppy text lingo. Not knowing what else to say, Lance took Keith’s exit out. Though Lance did ignore Keith’s text, he originally wanted to tease Keith for the fact that he quadra-texted him. However, something told him maybe it was best he didn’t-- for himself and Keith. Plus, his banter wouldn’t come off as skilled at that point.

 

Maybe the text impacted Lance so well because he could imagine Keith saying each of those texts out loud. He’s heard his voice so often he’s memorized it’s tune by now. Was it odd for Lance to imagine Keith blushing, with shaky hands as he said “just ignore me”? Or was it more odd for Lance to think he could get comfortable with Keith saying good morning to him each day?

 

It all made Lance too giddy. Too giddy to focus on Allura for the sake of the poor girl’s twenty first birthday. He didn’t mean to swoon over Keith’s messages, let alone in public in a Kohl’s department store. It was even worse since he read that message three hours ago, but the effects were still lasting.

 

Crushing aside, (could Lance even call this a crush?), he looks over appliances for Allura. 

 

Allura was hard to shop for, in Lance’s opinion. In comparison to the others, her interests were the hardest to pinpoint. Pidge and Hunk were obvious, they both were into engineering so tech would satisfy their needs. Allura on the other hand, had varying interests. She was also the mother hen of their friend group, and had a place of her own she was still trying to furnish. 

So instead of makeup, clothes, or gym equipment, Lance settles on buying Allura a coffee maker. She couldn’t always make the time to rush into the cafe during her busy schedule, so a caffeine machine at home seemed like the best idea. 

 

Lance was known for his superb gift wrapping skills throughout special occasions. So talented in fact, that he was the one to wrap the christmas gifts each year growing up. It had its perks though. He wouldn’t have to label which gift was from him since the wrapping usually gave it away. Lance was just that Extra™. 

 

On the way out of Kohl’s he picks up beautiful, lavender tinsel paper and some turquoise to compliment it. The cashier smiles at the quirky birthday card Lance had picked. It would be made even better with one of his signature trashy doodles inside. He was normally bad with sappy proclamations of love and friendship, so he usually showed his love through a series of poor drawings. Lance wasn’t an artist, and it was painfully obvious.

 

It will probably be even more obvious as Lance quickly draws it inside of his car. The wrapping of the present obviously won’t be the most stellar work, but even his poor jobs looked great. Who was really paying attention anyways? It wasn’t Lance’s fault he kept having dreams every time he tried to fall asleep. Though he couldn’t remember much, he did remember waking up to a sense of panic. Instead, he stayed up late watching toonami on adult swim. It’s been a long while since he’s done that anyways. It felt all too nostalgic.

 

His older brother and him had shared a room when Lance was growing up. Some of the best memories he shared with him was watching Naruto and imitating the fight scenes quietly, (it was easier said than done). Lance’s mother was a light sleeper and almost always caught them making satanic hand symbols that often resulted her smacking both of them. She would light a tall candle with La Virgen de Guadalupe on it inside their rooms, making hawkeyes at them,  _ “La Virgen esta mirando ambos… y yo tambien. Buenas noches.”  _ The virgin is watching both of you… and so am I. Good night.

 

With the thought of toonami on his mind from the night before, Lance draws Allura in a cliche sailor uniform with a Naruto headband on.  _ “In the name of the moon, I hope your birthday is stellar!”  _ God, Lance hated himself. 

 

He stuck the card inside the gift bag and headed over to Allura’s. Waking up at four in the afternoon didn’t exactly leave him the greatest amount of time to get ready-- especially by Lance’s standards. Since he got his job at Subway, his sleep schedule was regulating. Last night just threw that all out the window, so Lance woke up with sunken eyes and puffy cheeks. The extra steps in his skin regime would take care of both, but they were time consuming. By the time Lance had taken care of his skin, showered, then moisturized for post showering, it was already 5:30. At least the drive to Kohl’s wasn’t too terribly long.

 

All of this wouldn’t have happened if Pidge had woken him up. Of course, it wasn’t their job to, but it sure did help a lot. Since they stopped talking it was easier for Lance to fall into his bad habits again. The group chat usually would attempt to keep Lance on check, but it would be Pidge who would really get to him. They clearly had the advantage since they lived right across the hall from him. Lance could lie and get passed Allura easily. Hunk took a little more coaxing, but by the time he’s almost convinced everyone that he’s peachy as morning day, Pidge would kick in Lance’s door (or let themselves in with Lance’s spare key) and make him cut the shit. 

 

Lance hasn’t really talked to anyone since their fight. He would try to talk to Hunk and Allura individually, but both would bring Pidge up in a vain attempt to help the situation. It didn’t take Lance long to start isolating himself again. Geez, he never realized how much he relied on his friend group. 

 

Sure, Lance could be loud and social, but it took a familiar area. No place felt familiar without his squad by his side. So Lance was back to being that somewhat obnoxious, awkward kid. The social deprivation was really getting to Lance. Maybe that was why he stayed up until 8 AM just watching fucking anime like he was in middle school all over again. It was pitiful, and pathetic. A piece of him had hoped he buried that side of him, along with all his Hot Topic gift cards, but he didn’t have much choice. It’s not like he could bother anyone else for a distraction. Keith was obviously off the table. He even started reaching out to his family again. However then his cousins would start asking why he hasn’t gotten a girlfriend yet. Their playful taunts were just as is-- playful. They were playful. But each taunt rang and rang in Lance’s ears,  _ “Tienes una novia, primo? ‘Que no? Eres un mari?” _ You have a girlfriend, cousin? Why not? Are you gay?

 

Maybe watching anime wasn’t the worst of coping mechanisms. Lance hasn’t talked to his dealer in a while, so it’s not like he could just toke up and unwind. Even music wasn’t helping. Anime was his last cry for help. Hopefully, at Allura’s birthday seeing Pidge won’t be so bad. Lance really needed a friend right now. Thankfully it wasn’t as much as he needed cheap beer, pills, or weed. At least he knew he wouldn’t get too fucked up at Allura’s place. (Though he hopes that Allura would. Sometimes the girl needed to let loose once in awhile). 

 

By the time Lance parks his baby vomit car and knocks on Allura’s door, it’s nearly seven. By his second knock, Keith swings the door open. His face is flushed red, probably from rushing over to the door so quickly, but Lance assumes it’s because he’s already buzzed.

“Hey,” Keith breathes out, as if he wasn’t waiting for Lance to show up. He was sitting on the couch with Flor and Shiro by his side. Despite the compelling conversation of pets they’ve all had in their lifetimes, Keith couldn’t help but fall in and out of focus. All he did was watch outside the window for Lance’s car, like a lost puppy waiting for their owner to come home. Though he didn’t look at Lance as his owner, nor was he his pet. He just really missed him. Despite how much he tried to contain himself, Keith couldn’t help but lunge for the door as he saw Lance walk up the porch steps. 

 

“Yo,” Lance lets himself in and places his gift down on the coffee table along with all the others. He BroHugs ™ and takes notice of a tiny braid in his hair. As soon as he raises a finger to point it out, Keith motions to Flor and Lance nods in understanding. “Ah, got it.”

 

Lance grabs a plastic chair leaning against the wall, and puts one out for himself. When his chair is all nice and set up, Pidge quickly steals Keith’s spot. Some part of Lance knew it was an attempt to get him and Keith to sit with each other, but Lance’s pride says it’s because they want to sit next to Flor. Which is completely valid. Or maybe they just didn’t want to sit on a plastic chair and it was survival of the fittest. Either or, Lance doesn’t comment on it and instead asks for where the birthday girl is.

 

Hunk steps out of the kitchen, as if on cue with a tray of cookies in hand, answers, “She’s in her room, on the phone with her dad.” Lance nods and rushes over to lighten Hunk’s haul of delicious cookies. 

 

With a mouth full of Hunk’s famous homemade chocolate chip cookies, Lance mumbles, trying hard not to get crumbs on the carpet, “Ah, what time is it over there?”

 

Shay pops up behind Hunk with cupcakes and for a moment, Lance blesses Jesus Christ Himself for Hunk making cupcakes too. Shay laughs at the expression on Lance’s face and turns to ask Hunk, “Over where?”

 

Hunk opens his mouth to answer but as if he knew she was being talked about, Shiro looked over his shoulder at them and answered himself, “In the U.K, all her family is over there.”

 

“Loverboy,” Pidge jabs, earning a slight shrug from Shiro and a small laugh from everyone else. At least Shiro wasn’t denying anything at this point. He was clearly smitten and he embraced it. So much so to the point where he can answer questions about her when she isn’t even in the room.

 

Flor wraps her arm around Pidge and jeers at Shiro too. Now, it was just a fun game for everyone to poke and prod at Shiro and Allura’s love life. Flor wasn’t explicitly into the crew, yet she knew enough to comment on the Shiro/Allura love shabang. You didn’t have to know either of them to know the very apparent connection. “Are you gonna ask her out now?”

 

Lance goes back to sit down beside Keith with a handful of cookies, to share obviously, (not really), and adds, “Were you waiting for her birthday? Combine both her anniversary and birthday gifts in one. Smart.” 

 

Though that wasn’t Shiro’s intent, he taps the side of his temple and laughs. Lance blesses God Shiro too, for his choice in memes. “Didn’t know that when I started talking to her that her birthday was just around the corner. Things just work out that way.” Shiro smiles and folds his hands neatly on his lap.

  
  


Later, when everyone arrives, (meaning Flor’s plus one who went out on a beer run), they all circle around the living room seating area. Flor’s plus one was a girl named Plaxum. A pretty girl at that, with dark skin and dreads with the tips dyed blue. She boldly, sat next to a stranger whom she never met before. Lance had to give her props for doing so because one) sitting next to him wouldn’t be fun until he got buzzed, and two) having a pretty face would only make him increasingly awkward. 

 

Not that Lance didn’t want her to sit next to him, or even show up at that matter, but Lance was still trying to get used to having Shiro and Shay around. Luckily them both being sweethearts made it much easier, but Lance didn’t know who Plaxum was. Maybe that’s what compelled him to shotgun a beer with her. 

 

Pidge went wide eyed at this, but like on most things Lance did in public, they didn’t comment. Though for some odd reason, a nagging feeling in their gut begged them to pull Lance aside to talk to him. Maybe because they knew that here, in Allura’s apartment, that this is where they’ll rekindle their friendship after their last fight. Pidge wanted Lance to be sober enough to hold a solid conversation. Plus just as they did before, Pidge picked up on the vibes Keith gave off to Lance. The somberness in his eyes probably wasn’t from awe on how well Lance chugged that beer, and Pidge knew that.

 

Flor eggs Plaxum on and offers a drink to shotgun with Pidge, but as she saw how quickly they shook their head, she simply smiled and offered it to Keith instead. He gladly took that offer after watching Lance do so.

 

Allura, wasn’t normally one for drinking. It got in the way of her routines and schedules, but with everyone’s help they slowly convinced her into having fun for once. It was her twenty first birthday, she could get fucked up legally. Except, she wouldn’t push it that far. She hated hangovers and was scared on what she would do if she got too wasted. She could trust the people around her from doing anything too crazy, but she wanted to be safe just in case Shiro popped a question. Based off how her legs were resting over his with their hands interlocked on top, it most definitely would be popping up sometime that evening.

 

Shay smiles at this and slowly interlaces her hand with Hunk’s as well. Shay wasn’t one for drinking, it made her skin feel patchy and she got buzzed way too quickly, but she still enjoyed seeing everyone else have fun. Hunk blushed, not from the alcohol, but at the slowly fading line from old pals to pals-who-like-each-other. The hand just solidified that.

 

Lance gives him a thumbs up, as does Pidge, and they both smile at each other for a brief moment. It was small, but it was still progress.

 

But as everyone sat with their soon-to-be partners, plus Pidge with Flor, (little did Lance know Flor wouldn’t mind dating Pidge), Lance looked down at his lap. To his right, sat Keith, with his arms folded across his chest. He was visibly pouting and Lance couldn’t tell why.

 

To his right, was Plaxum. One of the most beautiful girls Lance has seen in his entire life. He felt Keith’s eyes send daggers even through the back of his head, but Lance couldn’t tell why. 

 

The poor fool.

 

Plaxum looks across the room and sends Flor a smile, takes another swig of her beer bottle, then looks at everyone in the room. “Let’s play a game.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly comments keeps me alive. each one F U E L S me  
> pls comment. even if its just dickbutt  
> also allura was announced as a teenager so after this fic is done, i wont post anymore shallura. i will post more hunay thoooo  
> anyways hi and bye


	12. bitter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe i updated  
> deadass every time i got a comment i wrote a little more and this monster is 3600+ words and thats so much for me
> 
> ive "graduated" from therapy and am in a much better place than i was before. recovery is real and is achievable and although i'm not completely free, i am better than i was before and progress is always good  
> id like to thank the readers who still somehow managed to keep up w this story despite me taking this hiatus.  
> if youd like to message me about mental health and how to get help, or to just tell me to fucking update (which is valid bc the messages i got from the 2 ppl who talk to me lmao actually helped a lot), then message me at tinyazura on [tumblr](http://tinyazura.tumblr.com/)
> 
> warning!  
> \- anxiety attack  
> \- underage drinking/smoking  
> \- mentions of transphobia  
> stay safe! 
> 
> i will not be continuing shallura after this fic due to her age reveal.  
> bitter - palace

Every fluttery feeling Keith had when Lance walked in, was gone. Each butterfly turned into a wasp with every flirtatious remark Plaxum and Lance shot at each other. Maybe it was the slight buzz that Keith felt that made every emotion feel amplified. Though the buzz in Keith's head was nothing compared to the stirring in his chest.

Keith's eyes darted from Plaxum's perfect, full lips to Lance's. A smile, a smirk, and an occasional lip bite. A blind man could see the obvious chemistry between them two.

Any butterflies Keith had left, were now digested. Despite Keith hoping and praying to whatever God that would excuse years of non believing, Lance agreed to Plaxum's idea anyways. With an even brighter smile, no less. The dead butterflies arose to wasps, stinging at Keith's sides.

Allura smiles at Plaxum, "Sure okay, what kind of game do you have in mind?"

"A drinking game of course," she explains, "Twenty-first birthdays should be filled with legal drinking. And illegal drinking for your friends who aren't there yet." Plaxum finger guns at Flor, who might as well aimed at Lance. The change in posture obviously meant he was taken back by how unnecessarily cute her gesture was.

Keith crosses his arms and mumbled beneath his breath, "Beer pong is stupid."

"Ah, but I didn't say beer pong," Plaxum sweetly smiles at Keith. It felt far too sweet for someone like her-- a party crasher that had no ties to whom the party was for. Then again, she wasn't doing anything wrong. Keith was just inherently bitter for her hitting it off so well with Lance.

So Keith slightly tips a drink to her, then takes a large sip. Keith normally hated games, and social events at that. But if he had to play to make him seem outgoing enough for Lance, then so be it. At least drinking more as the game progressed would probably make it more tolerable.

"Never have I ever," she announces, "I'll explain the rules for those who haven't played, or for those who have forgotten the rules." Plaxum claps her hand together, "We gather around a circle, go one by one. The person who starts, I say birthday girl, says something she's never done. The rest of the circle, take a drink if they have, and don't if they haven't. Then silver hair will go, then Flor, and so on."

Pidge snorts at Shiro being reduced to "silver hair", and decides to ask, "What if I don't like alcohol?"

"You can do the version with your hands if you want. Ten fingers up, bring one by one down with each thing you've done." Pidge nods. "Any other questions?" Plaxum looks around the room and ends on Lance, "You can sit by me if you want."

The wasps in Keith's stomach have built their own hive.

Lance has to remind himself to keep his mouth from hanging open, dazed and dumbfounded, but is able to nod his head. Plaxum takes Lance's hand and leads him beside her.  
  


Shay looks over at Hunk, eyeing him for some sort of direction. Shay wasn't one for drinking, as Pidge, but if Hunk were to drink, she probably would as well. Hunk nodded and went to the kitchen to grab drinks for everyone.

"So, birthday girl, have ideas to start this off?" Plaxum asks, though it comes off more as a coax than anything else.

Allura taps her chin, trying to gather a pitch that would shock everyone. "Got one, I'll wait for Hunk to come back though."

As if on cue, Hunk calls from the kitchen with more drinks in his arms, "I can hear!" Allura waits anyways, to be polite, and when Hunk comes back, he places the extra drinks on the coffee table. There's a few sprites in the mix too, (he kept Pidge in mind).

When Hunk sits back down he offers to open Shay's can. She smiles at how large his hands were compared to hers. Despite Shay being on the taller side, her hands weren't necessarily in proportion to the rest of her. The interaction was cute nonetheless, as their hands brushed against each other in exchanging the can.

"Never have I ever," dramatic pause, "Slept with someone in my own bed."

Shiro head cocks in such an awkward way. It was quick, but it didn't snap as far back as it could have. He was shocked, to say the least. The information was new to him, a part of him wants to thank Plaxum for this opportunity to learn more about Allura.

He, along with Plaxum and to the group's surprise, Hunk, take a drink.

"Really, who and when?" Allura asks, not necessarily directing it towards anyone specifically. Though Shiro and Hunk both open their mouths to explain at the same time.

"Oh sorry-- you go first," Hunk motions.

"No no, it's fine. You go," Shiro motions right back.

Lance rolls his eyes at the niceties played between them two. It wasn't new information to Lance on Hunk's part, but the fact that it reminded Lance that Hunk has had stable, successful relationships in the past, made him jealous.

Despite this, he didn't out Hunk on his body count. He just kept to himself, not taking a sip at his drink. It was a shame that every hook up Lance had seemed to end with girls rushing him out as soon as they were done with him. It only reminded Lance how badly he wanted a connection with someone, someone who wouldn't mind sleeping in Lance's own bed. So when morning came, he could treat her (or him as he's come to terms with recently), to breakfast.

Shay tilts her head in curiosity, "Gentleman?"

Hunk takes Shiro's offer and explains himself first, "Long term relationship. It didn't feel right for the first time to be anywhere else?"

Shiro nodded in agreement, "Same here."

Plaxum shrugs her shoulders, "Typically happens in my own home cause I got my prep stuff."

Everyone nods in agreement at that, despite not quite knowing what she meant. No one felt that it was necessary to press, so "silver hair" goes next.

"Never have I ever been arrested," Shiro shoots a quick look at Keith, earning him a "fuck you" in response. It was meant to bring him into the conversation after Shiro realized that Keith was just cooking in his own jealousy. If Shiro wasn't aware of this-- dare he say crush?-- sort of infatuation towards Lance, he sure did now. The daggers being sent at Plaxum, and the grumpy gazes off into the distance, only made it seem more obvious.

Shiro pieced it together the second Lance arrived. The way Keith jolted up couldn't be explained in any other way. However, Shiro isn't exactly sure if Keith was aware of his own crush yet. For now, Shiro would try to distract Keith of his inner turmoil.

Keith and Plaxum drink. Keith raises a brow at Plaxum, who answers, "I had a rebellious streak in my youth."

Keith smiles for the first time at Plaxum, now that they have a common ground in something, (other than trying to get Lance's attention). Not that Keith would admit it in a thousand years.

"I guess I could say the same." Keith recalls a small portion of his freshman year of high school being spent in juvenile hall. His time in detention varied too, but he didn't have to bring it up if no one asked.

Lance on the other hand, practically pounced on Keith. "Really? Damn, bad boy. Spicy." It wasn't a surprise that cool, edgy Keith has done some sort of time. What was surprising, was how that made Lance feel in response.

Was Lance impressed? Not exactly. He wasn't intimidated either, maybe it was the fact that Keith had to be hardened in some way. Maybe that seemed a little hot to him.

Of course, that wasn't something he would admit willingly either.

Keith on the other hand, didn't know how to respond to Lance's comment. His lack of social cues don't tell him if it was a good comment or not.

Flor's turn comes up and she goes upon Shiro's pitch, "Never have I ever been in a fight?" It hardly counts as a turn, according to Plaxum who just boos at her.

She pouts, "I'm gonna be drunk by the time it reaches my turn if we keep going like this." Plaxum and, to no one's surprise given the prior information, Keith take a drink.

Again, this only added to Lance's bad boy fantasy of Keith.

Shiro explained in Keith's place, "Keith didn't like his high school." Keith would argue the high school didn't like him but this wasn't the place to talk about it. "He's always had a thing against authority."

Plaxum pats Keith's leg, earning a side eye from Lance who didn't know who to be jealous of, "Same here." When Plaxum returns back to her personal space, she groans, "Self defense on my part. People are fucking assholes."

Everyone in unison agreed.

Flor picks up a drink and taps her chin. She wanted to pry something out of her new friend Pidge, who didn't quite share much about themselves. "Never have I ever... came out? Wait--I did though, I'm supposed to say things I haven't done right?"

The question makes Lance's hands sweat. To drink or not to drink, that is the question. He hasn't come out exactly, since he just recently established with himself that he was not straight. But drinking would, in hindsight, solidify that he was straight to everyone in the room who knew he was questioning. It was a bad situation to say the least. Lie to everyone and to himself, or force himself out.

Anxiety bubbled in his gut. Lance knew well that Flor meant no malice in her question, but that didn't soothe the shaking in his kneecaps.

Plaxum excuses Flor, "I'll allow it."

Allura nervously looks at Lance, feeling pity for him. Her eyes dart over to Pidge who, was already tapping away at their phone to coach Lance through this. "Drinking means yes we have came out, and not drinking means we haven't. Either by not wanting to or not having to, correct?"

"So if you're straight you don't drink, and if you're in the closet you don't drink." Hunk, one of Lance's closest friends, feels Lance's wave of relief wash over him. Hunk, like Allura and Pidge, knew how Lance's stance was on the "coming out" factor.

Flor nods, "Of course I wouldn't out people, I'm not a monster." She puts a hand over her chest and feels her heart skip a beat when Pidge takes a drink of their Sprite can.

"Came out as nonbinary to my parents. Luckily they're pretty okay with ideas they don't understand. I get the occasional 'she' but they don't mean harm." Pidge's text to Lance is left unread.

"My mom was supportive of me being a lesbian," Flor says, "My dad is still a little... 'meh' about it, but he doesn't hate me I don't think." There's tension easing in the air. Mostly everyone (with the obvious exception of Lance, who still wasn't quite sure if he should share now), was leaning forward in their seats. They were keenly paying attention to whoever spoke, knowing well that the current topic is difficult to some. Flor smiles, content knowing that Pidge was supported in their coming out.

Keith hated opening up, but God fuck if it would make Lance look at him for the first time in this entire conversation, then so be it. "I uh..." he drinks, "Just said I liked guys and my dad just said, 'That's nice, now wash the dishes'... Never really was a big thing to me." Keith looks over to Lance, whose ears were bright red. His eyes were locked at his screen, similar to that night at Cold Stone earlier that month. Lance's thumbs tapped away at his, what Keith could make out from a person over him, Kik messenger app. Keith looked away before people could notice he was staring at Lance, "I'm gay. I don't hide it."

Plaxum nods her head, "If only it were that easy for me," She giggles but there's ominosity in her tone that sets the majority of the people in the room on edge. Of course, she drinks. Maybe the continuous drinking throughout the night is what made this story easier to tell, or maybe it was because she felt safe in this room full of strangers. They proved themselves worthy. "Black and trans. Early transitioning made me seem like an easy target, but just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I won't fucking kiss ass."

Allura nods her head, "Black girls are a force to be reckoned with." She tips her can to Plaxum, "There's no shame in being you."  
  


\---  
  


_There's no shame in being you._

Pidgey: everyone here cares about you, it's your decision.

Lance hears Allura's words echo in the halls of his mind. Those same halls, with framed pictures of his family, anxiety medications in their signature orange bottles. Pidge's text was meant to be helpful, but it only gave Lance all the more reason to seclude himself.

So when everyone's sharing story and praise amongst each other, Lance slips away and grabs a bag of weed on his way out.

Northern California nights were surprisingly just as cold as fall's days during the summer. Lance huffs out a breath, expecting a small cloud to appear, but to no avail. Perhaps Lance was just used to all around hot weather in Southern Arizona. He lifts up his head, admiring how clear the night sky was. The thought of being so small compared to the entirety of the universe normally put Lance on edge, but for moments like these where he wanted to disappear, it seemed comforting. He could get lost in the stars and no one would notice, there was some solace in that.

He could return when the tidepools of anxiety stopped hitting rocks. Weed did seem to help speed up that process.

The good kind at least. God forbid Lance have a panic attack then smoke to calm down, only to find out the hit he took induced anxiety.

Luckily, or at least for this specific situation, everyone here had anxiety; meaning the only weed around would be the shit to calm everyone down. Lance rolls himself a tiny joint with flavored wrapping paper he had brought for the occasion. It was one of his few talents, nimble fingers had its perks.

Lance closes his eyes and takes a slow deep, breath. The smoke fills his lungs, better this than water, Lance would tell himself. Anxiety felt like drowning most days. With silent panic hidden behind coordinated smiles, timed polite nods at strangers, it hardly ever looked like he needed a lifeboat. One could blame his own self-indulgent behavior, the behavior that got off to the coddling that came with a breakdown. People would blame Lance for letting himself get bad enough to the point he needed a helping hand. Lance would argue and say he needed help to begin with but alas, anxiety had a funny way of holding him hostage in his own body.

Out the smoke goes, then into the night. Lance brings the joint to his mouth again and right before he breathes it in, the door behind him opens.

"Hey.." Keith closes the door behind him and leans against the door, "You kinda disappeared.."

"Yeah," Lance breathes out, "Been doing that a lot lately huh?" He laughs, but there's nothing funny about it.

Keith is silent for a moment. It puts Lance even more on edge, the bud hasn't hit him yet.

More silence, Keith shuffles closer to Lance and puts a hand on his shoulder, "You okay, dude?"

There's screaming in the distance and Lance is surprised it's not him. He nods his head, offering his joint to Keith who, hesitantly takes it. "'M fine. Just needed a smoke."

Keith knows enough about Lance to know he wasn't homophobic, so why did he always separate himself when sexuality came into conversation? "You do that a lot don't you?" He takes the hit and passes it back to Lance. Smoking was never one of Keith's things, but if it was Lance's invitation into a deeper talk than he normally would allow, Keith would gladly take it.

"Disappear?"

"When people start talking about gay things, yeah. Was it Plax...?" Keith asks.

Lance furiously shakes his head, shooting that possibility down as soon as it came, "No I don't care. She's great, I didn't disappear because of that." Lance furrows his brows at the thought.

"Well then what? When Flor and I said we were gay, you got kinda... well... how you are now."

Lance closes his eyes again and leans against the balcony's railing. "Not high enough for this.." And Lance wasn't. He wasn't high enough to survive the tidepool or to update Keith on how his internal turmoil was doing.

"If I make you uncomfortable I can leave--"

"--It's not you." Lance cuts Keith off before he could finish. Because no, it wasn't Keith. It could never be Keith. Lance loved the awkward texts they shared, even the awkward tension they shared now. Keith made Lance everything but uncomfortable, confused maybe. That was a part of the problem, to some degree, but Keith himself was not the problem. "I... I don't know what's wrong with me."

Keith had to stifle a little sigh of relief, he's beyond glad he isn't the reason Lance is like this. That didn't necessarily fix the problem at hand, though. "What do you mean by... 'what's wrong with you'?" In Keith's eyes, Lance was but a hair away from perfect. Perfection glistened off Lance like sweat. Sticky sweat like heat in New York's summers. It was ugly, but even Lance seemed to make an analogy like that shine.

It was Lance's turn to hesitate. Between a few hits and puffs into the air, Lance explains slowly, quietly, like it's a secret he's scared to tell. "Everyone can be who they want to be. Gay, bi, pan, ace, demi, the list goes on. That's how things should be," Lance plays with his lighter in his left hand. Not quite the best fidget toy, but he made do. Even if he ended up burning the hat of his thumb more often times than not. "Right?"

Keith nods, "...Right. That's more accepting than most people. What could possibly be wrong with you?"

Lance clicks his tongue and shakes his head, flicking the lighter at a much quicker pace, "I could name a few things." Cue the word vomit, "I love attention and often hate when it's not on me. I'm secretly jealous of everyone around me because everyone collectively seems better than me-- but I want to be the best because I'm a fucking dick. I never know when to stop, I just keep going until people yell at me then get sad and self pitying even though it was my fault to begin with. I--"

"--Lance."

"--I binge watch anime when I'm upset which isn't really that bad but, God, it's  _anime._ It's like I'm a twelve year old stuck in a nineteen year old's body. I can't take care of myself. I hate living alone even though I'm the one who pushed everyone so I could be alone I--"

"--Lance please, stop." Keith knew very little of what to do. It took Keith four months to tell someone he fractured his ankle as a kid because he didn't want to bother anyone. Lance definitely wasn't bothering Keith, but the shaking and confessions needed to settle down before one of them had a heart attack. It was overwhelming for the both of them.

"--I love my family and I can't stand the idea of being any less than perfect. For me and for them, I..." Lance pauses, taking notice of how ghostly still Keith was. Lance also takes notice of how shakey his hands were, his whole body.

He takes another long drag, "Sorry. I-I'm sorry, for that. For me."

Keith places an awkward hand on Lance's back, "Don't be. It's good to let things out. I'm just worried about you."

"You're worried about me?" Lance's voice went up a happy octave.

Keith smiles, "Of course I am. I... I care about you."  _Tell him you like him_.

_Tell him_   
_Tell him_   
_Tell Lance you like him._

"I don't have many friends.. I'm not great at this adult thing either," Keith is trying. Keith is trying so fucking hard. Each word has to claw its way up Keith's closed off throat. "I'm.. really not the best at talking. But I like listening... I like listening to you.. So if you ever feel like this again, of if you ever wanna disappear again... Let me come?" Keith's hands are cold, yet sweat still managed to accompany the anxiety. The clamminess feels so fucking disgusting but God forbid he stop now, "I'll listen to you vent. I don't mind, just don't..."  _Tell him_ , "Don't push me away..."

"Keith I--"

The door swings open behind them. "Hey, you guys okay-- Oh. Smoking." Hunk catches the bright red on Keith's face and the whoozines in Lance's eyes. Based off the distance between them two, Hunk could assume it wasn't the pot that made Lance seem so hazy.

Lance takes notice of the shortened distance between him and Keith. He slowly backs away, "Yeah, smoking. You want some?" It was an attempt to bring the attention off him, for once. He offers his half done joint.

Hunk shakes his head. Social perception told him that it wasn't just a toke up session that was happening here, but knowing how sensitive Lance has been lately, he doesn't dare comment.

Lance leaves the joint on the small wooden table by his feet, "Just about finished." He looks over to Keith for a brief a moment. It seemed shameful, like he stole a glance at a groom's bride. But in this case, he was looking at the groom. Lance rushes inside, running away and fucking doing the one thing Keith asked him not to do.

Lance pushed him away.

Lance is pushing him away.

_Tell him you like him._   
_Tell him you like him._   
_Tell Keith you like him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments.... please... kudos....


	13. i can't see you in the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i can't see you in the dark - rei brown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not dead, miraculously  
> im sorry for the... long hiatus  
> in all honesty, the comments i received is what really inspired me to update. thank you to mammahen for being such a sweetheart, and coralreefskim for??? existing. i keep u both in mind  
> also to my wattpad readers who have been super commenting the past week, they cant see this but i dont write author's notes on my crossposted fics.  
> thanks for patience!

Pain is such a funny thing. Trivial would be a better word, coming from Keith. Coming from someone who has experienced pain enough to reduce it to nothing. Maybe Keith has had his fair share of hurt and disappointment, but this was more than some simple rejection. Forget his breaking heart, this was a gash wide open, allowing salt to pour in freely. It wasn’t as much of an ache as it was a sting, but Keith knew better than to go after Lance.

He feels a sense of vertigo wash over him. From Lance’s rushed exit to Hunk’s eyes flooded with sympathy, Keith can’t help but feel dizzy. Was Keith wrong for believing whatever moment they shared meant something? Or was he wrong for believing Lance would let him in? Either or, he’s frozen still, in shock. Despite the woozines in his head, Keith is stagnant. Sadly, rejection wasn’t something new to Keith. Keith had walls built up to avoid getting hurt, to avoid people leaving him, but for some reason, pain had a funny way of always making its way back to him.

Hunk stares at Keith, then down at his hands. Hunk was more Lance’s friend than Keith’s, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t offer support all the same.

There’s a spot next to Keith where Lance once stood. Hunk side steps, to make it less awkward (though failing), and stands besides Keith. “Sorry about that… I might have ruined things…” Hunk hangs his head a bit, genuinely feeling guilty.

Keith shakes his head and reassures Hunk, “It wasn’t your fault.” And it wasn’t. Maybe somewhere deep in Keith’s heart, he knew it was wrong to hope for greater things. He knew it was wrong to venture out of everything he ever knew. It was best to stay guarded, it was smart to let things to stay the same. At least then, he could avoid hurting himself, and others in most cases. Keith just wanted this time to be different. Was it so wrong for wanting things to be better?

That’s what he gets for getting a crush on a straight boy. Or at least, that was what Keith thought.

Hunk rubs Keith’s back, though once he catches how Keith flinches, he retracts his hand. “Sorry, again.”  
  
Keith feels his insides shake, god he never realized how fucking touch starved he was. “No, no, it’s nice-- fine, I mean.”

Hunk smiles and rubs Keith’s back again. He could see why Lance took a liking to Keith. There are many reasons Hunk could list why Keith and Lance would work well together, but in a time like this, it was best to silently watch from the sidelines. He could offer support, but he can’t set them up as anyone else would. It wouldn’t be good for Lance, for someone still trying to figure things out. As for Keith, Hunk still needed to get to know him a bit more.

“You like him, huh?” Hunk asks, though it comes off more as a comment than a question. It comes off as an observation, that is clear as day. It’s a fact no less, and judging by how Keith shifts his gaze to the side, it’s confirmed. “I’d say your secret’s safe with me, but I’m sure a lot of people realized that already.”

“It’s that obvious?” Keith brings up his head, embarrassment and shame written on his forehead. Keith couldn’t blame himself for liking Lance. Not only was he nice to look at, he was so wonderfully endearing. With how Lance could light up a room as soon as he walked in, Keith couldn’t help but feel drawn to him. Keith knew he had walls up, they’re stone walls that have been building up for nineteen years, but Lance was the first to try to knock them down. And maybe he did, in a big enough hole for himself to crawl through. How could Keith not like him?

Keith knew he had it bad. Jealousy made a mess of Keith’s heart when he saw Plax and Lance getting too close. Keith loved watching Lance’s awkward, and so obviously choreographed, dancing in the Subway kitchen. He could listen to him talk for hours, and still have his interest held-- because he was Lance. Lance was the only person to call him at two in the morning because he knew they both would be up. Keith got used to having him around, maybe that was his first mistake.

Hunk nods his head, pulling Keith out of his own mind,  “Extremely. Lance is so caught up in himself sometimes, I don’t think he’s noticed.”

“Good,” Keith is quick to add, “I don’t want him to know.” It was a decision that came to Keith the second Lance left him with secondhand smoke and a slight buzz.

“Why not?”

Keith raises a brow, as if it were obvious. “He doesn’t like me.”

Now Hunk raises a brow, as if it were obvious, “Are you sure about that?”

“What d’you mean?” Keith asks. Hope may have died in the pit of Keith’s dreams, but there he goes, still clinging onto possibilities.

“Just… pay closer attention to him. You’ll know what I mean.” Hunk can’t outright out Lance. Lance had to come to terms with his sexuality on his own, at his own pace. He can, however, provide some insight to Keith. Maybe he can help Lance figure it out for himself.

Hunk’s words echo in Keith’s mind.

_You’ll know what I mean._

_What the fuck?_

 

\---

 

Lance couldn’t leave. Sure he left Keith on Allura’s balcony, but he can’t leave Allura on her birthday. Lance knew what he did was selfish, and to some extent he was, but he could only push so far.

So for the majority of the party, there were forced smiles and a tad bit of binge drinking. Allura had offered a spot on her couch for Lance to stay because there was no way in hell she would let him drive home. Lance, thankfully, wasn’t a sloppy drunk. He knew how to take care of himself. He drank his water and ate food to help with sobriety. However, it didn’t help guilt from nagging at him.

Lance avoided Keith throughout the rest of the party. It was painfully obvious too, since it was such a small kickback. They were all in the living room, there weren’t many places for Lance to run to. Other than the balcony, which Lance vowed to not go to the rest of the night, and the kitchen, there was no where else he could go.

It didn’t help that Keith sat across from him, which is worse than sitting next to him in Lance’s opinion. At least if Keith were next to him, it would be easier not to look at him. Lance tried so hard to not look at him, and instead focus on the Fibbage game he opted out of, but his eyes kept locking back to Keith.

The worst is when they would both catch each other staring. Keith was anything but subtle when looking at Lance, and Lance felt it. He felt Keith’s brown eyes lock onto him the entire night. Lance couldn’t help but feel like blushing, maybe that’s what obligated him to drink more. At least then, the blushing would be explained in a different way. But Lance nearly felt as if cupid himself, stabbed him in the heart with one of his bullshit arrows, each time he caught himself staring at Keith.

Everyone noticed. Plaxum respectfully backed off, realizing that Lance was already taken. Hunk couldn’t help but text Pidge back and forth about how ridiculous these two idiots were being. Everyone was just waiting for the moment for one of them to come out and ask the other out. But alas, patience is a virtue.

The next morning, Lance woke up with a slight headache to brighten his day. Allura had smacked him awake to keep him from sleeping past noon, but she provided Advil as an apology. Allura had things to do that afternoon, so she had no choice but to shoo Lance out. As a thank you for her hospitality, Lance helped clean the living room a bit before he left.

On the car ride home, Lance had hooked up his phone to the aux cord. Spotify had a playlist ready for him for the end of week mixes. The songs seemed to mock him as well. They somehow knew of Lance’s love life and questioning sexuality because on top of the usual things they recommended, Lance got Kevin Abstract, Rei Brown, and other sad lo-fi love songs. Lance couldn’t even be mad because Spotify was right, just like all his other friends who had the sneaking suspicion of Lance’s bisexuality.

Lance knew too, that he wasn’t straight. He just couldn’t grasp why that was so hard for him to realize. As stated before, he’s had flings with guys in high school, though at the time he dismissed it as experimenting. Lance knew there was nothing wrong with being queer, let alone bi. He’s been nothing but supportive for his friends, so why was it so hard to accept himself?

It was complicated to say the least. It was always easier to tell your friends that things get better, it was easy to tell them that they worthy of good things, and all the other positive bullshit in between. People always seemed to have an easier time supporting others, but could never apply the same logic to themselves.

Lance could blame his family. He could blame the ideals he was brought up with. Lance could blame depression, that depression was only trying to isolate him further and keep him from ever finding love. He could blame anxiety, that anxiety keeps him from ever trying to do something good for himself, out of fear of everything else. Lance could blame a lot of things, but at the end of the day, he ends up blaming himself.

Despite being in a room full of people at Allura’s party, he felt so alone. They were all his friends too, maybe that’s what made it worse. He knows they are all good people, who would accept him no matter what, but he still felt awful. There was no reason, other than whatever manifestation of self-hate his mind could come up with, for why he did.

Lance needs time to figure things out, to figure himself out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if this seems kinda rushed... im rusty. message me on [tumblr](http://tinyazura.tumblr.com) (tinyazura) to yell at me to update and comment if theres any typos.

**Author's Note:**

> depending on feedback, ill update when i feel like there's a steady audience going on. or if not, probs in like a week, maybe two, maybe less depending.  
> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!! message/ask me on tumblr if you have any questions @ [here](http://tinyazura.tumblr.com/)


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